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This is accurate as of 08/11/22. tl;dr: I'm spindizzy or spindilly on most sites!
... Static stuff?
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Socials
(This category is still up in the air because I don't actually know which socials I'm going to be on most regularly yet!)
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Games
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I don't know where I'm officially going if the Cursed Bird App goes down, but if in doubt, I'll be here and on AO3 until they kick me out. ♥
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Sticky: Reaction shot master post!
Tuesday, 17 October 2017 09:40 pmBecause I do a lot of these when I'm watching a tv show, and a masterpost is only as convenient as it is to find it.
Completed!
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In Progress
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On hiatus
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Completed!
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In Progress
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On hiatus
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You: / The mental breakdown she told you not to worry about:
Thursday, 7 May 2026 10:49 amOkay, so we're talking about this. Cut for discussing mental illness and self-harm, caveat emptor.
(I AM FINE.)
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(I AM FINE.)
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Do you assume it's me whenever you see bullet points on your flist?
Friday, 1 May 2026 12:46 pmOkay, so this week's drama accidentally continued?
So yeah, mildly eventful week!
- Tuesday: went to the doctor and maybe cried at him a bit because I am so tired. I'll go into the whole thing in another post because my note in the appointment request were verbatim "Med review and mental health getting worse, yay" and you can skip it. Short version: I'm doing all of the reasonable things I could be doing to not be crazy, and he's sending me for the MOT of blood tests to see if there's anything physically wrong.
- Wednesday: jesus christ.
- Library that was closed due raw sewage shorting the system re-opens!
-
Coworker who's only worked in academic libraries: A customer thinks she saw someone with a knife upstairs!
— Susan (
Me and the other public library survivor:
[image or embed]![[bsky.social profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user_other.png)
spindilly) 29 April 2026 at 09:24
Four security guards in full gear, two plain clothes security guards, café staff locking themselves in the staff-only area and contemplating hiding in the industrial fridge later: it was a comb.
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- Found the one (1) phlebotomist who has ever heard me say "Fair warning, the last guy needed a butterfly needle to get anything out of me" and not taken it as a challenge. Like, checked my arms, asked me to pick one, boom, needle in and vials full. First try, all of maybe thirty seconds. What a queen.
- I made the joke about it being an MOT of blood tests, and the phlebotomist joked back about if I was getting them every year, and uhhhhh yes I am actually! Pretty sure the doc sent me for a blood test this time last year as well!
- Realised that you can get watches that will monitor your sleep for you and went "... Fuck. Maybe I do have to do this." If only to rule out the issue being that I'm sleeping for twelve hours and only actually getting an hour of rest.
So yeah, mildly eventful week!
Maybe I need to just sparkle harder
Monday, 27 April 2026 03:35 pm- Job hunt progress: rejected for every job I applied for so far!
- Have been asked for questions in advance, and oh my god I am never going back. How did I live without knowing what I'd be walking into with interviews. Why would anyone ever not give the questions in advance so they could decent, well-thought out answers.
- Had an interview at the start of the month where I asked what the team culture was like (meaning: how are the vibes), and the interviewer's response was "Well, Sam's Chinese...?"
- Had an interview last week and I think it went okay – the interview I had in March I was like "I am 100% not getting this job," the one at the start of the month I was like "I 100% do not want this job," and this one I'm like "If I get it that will be nice, if I don't I will survive." But I asked the interviewer if this was a quiet period for them, because the advert said "Busy, fast-paced environment!" and it looked fairly chill to me.
"Oh, we don't have a quiet period! We see 600 people every week!"
Me, working in a building where I can see that many people in an hour: - Interviewer asked about how I'd handle a colleague who wasn't pulling their weight, and I gave my proper answer, then followed up with "And what I don't do is complain to other coworkers or do passive-aggressive petty things because I'm frustrated!"
Interviewer: There's a story there, isn't there? - (Update: I didn't get the job, but they said I had a lovely personality and it was a really enjoyable interview, so I'll take what I can get?)
- Job hunting while I'm in the middle of a slow-motion menty-b is fun! I am a tired, mentally ill slug, except for the half an hour where I have to sparkle my very hardest for complete strangers!
- Work drama is fun! Someone leaked an upcoming Stupid Decision to the press, and the person in charge is furious! (Obviously we are all collectively popcorn gifs.) One of the sites I work at is closed because raw sewage leaked into the building and shorted the fire alarm system. The project I was really excited to work on has been cancelled. Five people have left in the last month and more people are job hunting. It's all going great.
- Joined a D&D game with some of Lex's work friends, and last session everyone got to do cool things like "put the fear of [tiefling character] into a god" and "kill a god"! And my contribution was solo-ing a ginormous undead kraken by casting Turn/Sear Undead and making it leave the combat.
- (We were fighting a god of the ocean and some bright spark decided we should fight them at sea. Why? I still don't know.)
- Low-key obsessing over Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint and I need my library to spit out the next few volumes immediately plskbai.
I'm not kidding about the spreadsheet, for the record.
Friday, 27 March 2026 03:34 pmLast time work was messing people around, my sister was like "You can have a little midlife crisis, as a treat" and godddddd what if I just take her up on that. What if I just have a little panic and completely change what field I work in. What if I run off and retrain for a different job or something.
... God, where would I even get the energy.
So yeah, job hunt is going! I have applied to some places, interviewed in one place, been rejected from those places. Bit of a ding to the ego, but that's probably good for me. (One of my coworkers interviewed for the same job I did, and he got it! Apparently he felt bad telling me and I'm just there like "NO, stop that, I'd much rather it go to you than someone else because I know you'll rock it." Also, I hardcore bombed that interview, which is mortifying.) Gonna keep applying for admin and customer service jobs while I contemplate my midlife crisis. I'm considering doing a copy-editing course and seeing if I can pick up some work doing that – common sense is at war with the depression and the eternal idea of "what if work with words :<" and no one is winning.
... God, I just saw that Seven Seas is hiring editors, and the surge of want that just hit me. Fuck. I'm not qualified, and yet I want.
Anyway, at some point I will figure out how to show off my beautiful job-hunting spreadsheet. It's got conditional colour-coding and links to all of the relevant sites. It's got a tracker of my application progress. I just need to work my way down it every week until I find something. Which I guess I'll get a start on now, see you later! ♥
... God, where would I even get the energy.
So yeah, job hunt is going! I have applied to some places, interviewed in one place, been rejected from those places. Bit of a ding to the ego, but that's probably good for me. (One of my coworkers interviewed for the same job I did, and he got it! Apparently he felt bad telling me and I'm just there like "NO, stop that, I'd much rather it go to you than someone else because I know you'll rock it." Also, I hardcore bombed that interview, which is mortifying.) Gonna keep applying for admin and customer service jobs while I contemplate my midlife crisis. I'm considering doing a copy-editing course and seeing if I can pick up some work doing that – common sense is at war with the depression and the eternal idea of "what if work with words :<" and no one is winning.
... God, I just saw that Seven Seas is hiring editors, and the surge of want that just hit me. Fuck. I'm not qualified, and yet I want.
Anyway, at some point I will figure out how to show off my beautiful job-hunting spreadsheet. It's got conditional colour-coding and links to all of the relevant sites. It's got a tracker of my application progress. I just need to work my way down it every week until I find something. Which I guess I'll get a start on now, see you later! ♥
*flails noodley Ditto arms in excitement*
Friday, 6 March 2026 09:18 amPokopia dropped, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I've wanted a Pokémon farming sim since like... 2012? So I was VERY hype for Pokopia! So far it's not actually that. It's more like Dragon Quest Builders 2, in that your job is to smash blocks, build houses, and make friends, but considering how normal I was about DQB2, I'm okay with that.
I'm still in the first section of the game, Withered Wastes, so spoilers through that behind the cut.
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Listen, I have been noodling on and off with a Pokémon/Harvest Moon fusion where you can ask your Pokémon to help you water crops and cut down trees since I was in uni and messing with RPG Maker, having Pokopia might actually be the dream.
I'm still in the first section of the game, Withered Wastes, so spoilers through that behind the cut.
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Listen, I have been noodling on and off with a Pokémon/Harvest Moon fusion where you can ask your Pokémon to help you water crops and cut down trees since I was in uni and messing with RPG Maker, having Pokopia might actually be the dream.
Work is At It Again!
Friday, 27 February 2026 04:28 pmBecause of course they are. Due to Brilliant Financial Decisions that I can't get into without doxxing myself, work are making some changes. Some of them I can understand; they're standardising opening hours and want shift patterns to line up with each other, cool, that makes sense. Some of them though... Yeesh. Their ideal situation that they're working towards includes but is not limited to:
And when people raised questions and objections, they were told "Well, you can always leave."
... Aight, bet.
Now I'm waiting to hear back from one library job, and I've got three other applications to get in by close of play on Monday. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
For bonus points: we were all assigned a mandatory meeting with one of our great-grandbosses to discuss the changes and ask any questions. Me being me, I sent him an email before the meeting with all of my questions so that we had an agenda and he could prepare answers! (ʘ‿ʘ🌺) He told me a lot of things, most of which did not answer my questions, and I sent him a summary of his answers and the questions I would still like answered. (ʘ‿ʘ🌺) I think each email was two pages each, front and back, and I need you all to understand the peak comedy of his reply: "Had a quick read, that looks right, hope it helped you."
I do literally hours of writing relevant and appropriate questions, checking my recording, summarising your useless responses, checking FAQs, and your response is "Hope it helped you."
(ʘ‿ʘ)ﾉ🌺
Met with my line manager on Thursday and accidentally cried at her, because I sent her copies of my messages and her response was "I can tell you really care about this job and your colleagues." Turns out I wanted someone to acknowledge that? I'm not being awkward for the sake of it, I'm being awkward because I want to keep doing my job! She also suggested that I send my questions to Other Great-Grandboss to get actual answers, but only after I revise out some of my... Expressions of frustration... Because Other Great-Grandboss will actually read them, and it won't help me get my answers. But god, I just – I'm irrationally convinced that somehow I can find the magic words to convince the bosses to fucking listen to us and understand why people are upset. I can't, but what if I could.
... Anyway, that's what's going on with me right now. I'm going to cross stitch Pokémon and watch other people play the new Resident Evil game because hahahahaha NO I AM NOT PLAYING THE GAME WHERE SOMEONE STALKS ME IN THE DARK. NO THANK YOU.
- No full-time contracts, and a hard limit of 25 hours a week max. (Lunch breaks are inconvenient, and if we only work a five hour shift we don't get a break.) Also, no one will need to work extra hours because we'll be fully staffed – ignore every other time we've said that, this time we mean it!
- No home libraries; everyone is part of a pool and assigned two or three libraries per week to work at.
- No overlap between shifts, so no proper handover between shifts (because why would we need that?).
- "We heard your complaints that there's no job mobility that isn't becoming a manager, so we created more manager positions! ♥"
- Two fewer libraries in the network – one of them is closing entirely, and one is full of valuable and delicate material so we're going to leave it open and completely unstaffed.
And when people raised questions and objections, they were told "Well, you can always leave."
... Aight, bet.
Now I'm waiting to hear back from one library job, and I've got three other applications to get in by close of play on Monday. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
For bonus points: we were all assigned a mandatory meeting with one of our great-grandbosses to discuss the changes and ask any questions. Me being me, I sent him an email before the meeting with all of my questions so that we had an agenda and he could prepare answers! (ʘ‿ʘ🌺) He told me a lot of things, most of which did not answer my questions, and I sent him a summary of his answers and the questions I would still like answered. (ʘ‿ʘ🌺) I think each email was two pages each, front and back, and I need you all to understand the peak comedy of his reply: "Had a quick read, that looks right, hope it helped you."
I do literally hours of writing relevant and appropriate questions, checking my recording, summarising your useless responses, checking FAQs, and your response is "Hope it helped you."
(ʘ‿ʘ)ﾉ🌺
Met with my line manager on Thursday and accidentally cried at her, because I sent her copies of my messages and her response was "I can tell you really care about this job and your colleagues." Turns out I wanted someone to acknowledge that? I'm not being awkward for the sake of it, I'm being awkward because I want to keep doing my job! She also suggested that I send my questions to Other Great-Grandboss to get actual answers, but only after I revise out some of my... Expressions of frustration... Because Other Great-Grandboss will actually read them, and it won't help me get my answers. But god, I just – I'm irrationally convinced that somehow I can find the magic words to convince the bosses to fucking listen to us and understand why people are upset. I can't, but what if I could.
... Anyway, that's what's going on with me right now. I'm going to cross stitch Pokémon and watch other people play the new Resident Evil game because hahahahaha NO I AM NOT PLAYING THE GAME WHERE SOMEONE STALKS ME IN THE DARK. NO THANK YOU.
Back on my musical bullshit I guess?
Sunday, 18 January 2026 09:44 amAccidentally got desperately earwormed by a random vtuber/pngtuber who does super queer fantasy/horror covers and animatics. This is how I'm starting 2026.
- Another Love Story by RafScrap ft Lyra Pyon — Look, I'm just saying I need the Princess Principal AMV to this immediately. Or like fifteen things with this vibe? I know that "Villain is violently murdered and then comes back to romance/'romance' the protagonist" is the plot of a bunch of villainess isekai and danmei, but what if more. (I've still not read Heaven Official's Blessing, but genuinely the thumbnail looks like monster!Hua Cheng fanart I've seen.)
- Masochism Tango covered by Rafscrap and Gezeus Quiryst — WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE A HORNY VERSION OF A TOM LEHRER SONG. THAT'S ILLEGAL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. ... It's going on my Disaster Lesbian Who Flirts With Every Woman Who Tries To Kill Her playlist though. For obvious reasons. (The obvious reasons also explain why I saw so many comments being like "Gomez and Morticia Addams ♥".)
- Monster High's Fright Song covered by RafScrap ft. Gezeus Quiryst & Mortius — Did everyone know that Monster High had a song? Did I just miss that one?
- The Serpent and the Starving Girl by Rafscrap — I'm 90% certain this song/animatic is "What if a gay devil tempts a woman who was cast aside by her duplicitous married lover during the Salem Witch Trials" and I'm... More into it than I expected? The way the rage cracks out over "Didn't he promise" is fantastic.
- Monster covered by Rafscrap and Gezeus Quiryst — I spent a solid two hours doing a dance party/tidying spree to this one song because it's got the right energy level for it. I'm also irrationally convinced that the originally song was a voicaloid song (based on the only other song I know by Kira being vocaloid; sorry Kira), so that would explain some of the scanning/syllable stressing going on.
- Goddess covered by Rafscrap — I really like the rhythm of chanting the goddesses' names, ngl. And even if I have no idea what is going on with the story, I'm enjoying the art and the body horror!
- Hell Again by Ironmouse — And just for the sake of this post not being one person: a different vtuber! XD I was watching the video like "Damn, this looks like RWBY," and then according to the comments the lead artist actually worked on RWBY. Yeah, fair, I guess that would do it! And would explain the fights looking pretty good!
[MOUNTAIN GOATS PLAYS LOUDLY]
Wednesday, 7 January 2026 12:50 amHappy new year!
I was having my regularly scheduled mope about nooooooooooooo I didn't DO anything last yeeeeeeeeeeeeear, where did the time gooooooooooooooo, as I do, and then I checked my Storygraph Wrapped notification.
Oh! Okay! That's where the time went!
(I got a subscription for Kobo Plus and Manga Plaza, and it turns out between those two I have A Lot of manga available to me. Whoops?)
Other things that I did last year:
I was having my regularly scheduled mope about nooooooooooooo I didn't DO anything last yeeeeeeeeeeeeear, where did the time gooooooooooooooo, as I do, and then I checked my Storygraph Wrapped notification.
Oh! Okay! That's where the time went!
(I got a subscription for Kobo Plus and Manga Plaza, and it turns out between those two I have A Lot of manga available to me. Whoops?)
Other things that I did last year:
- Got more hours at work! Work is being a low-key shitshow because they keep cutting staff, to the point where one of the libraries has three members of staff. In a library that is open 8:00-21:45. ("Oh but we're cutting down on extra shifts —" The fuck you are, sunshine.) On the plus side, I got an extra 8.5 hours added to my contract every week, so I'm getting an extra ~£450 a month on my paycheque?
- Had an absolute mad one in the January sales and bought a 3D printer.
- It's a little one! A Bambu Lab A1 mini, and in the sale it was like £139? So a pretty good price, I think. The pro of this model is that it's basically plug and play, and as I wasn't sure if I was actually going to be capital-I Into 3d printing that was going to be my best shout. The downside is that it can only print tiny things, like 16x16x16cm. Small enough to be getting on with, just needs some fiddling.
- I feel a bit weird showing off things that I've printed with it, because basically I had as much input in what comes out as I would with an actual printer. One day, I will probably get into the design stuff! For now, I'm poking Maker World and Thingiverse and trying out free stuff.
- Me: I have printed so many boring useful things! D:
Lex: Honey, you printed a torso with tentacles. - (My defence that it was for practical reasons – namely putting the Astarion BJD head I got on it so it's not sitting in a box – is apparently not good enough.)
- Things I have printed off: tiny octopus friend, tools to make 3d printing easier, a little Solaire/Praise the sun guy as a combo xmas present/bribe for the IT Guy at work, stencils, two tiny jointed dragons that I need to reprint because the tails fell over both times, that torso with tentacles that turned out to be the same size as the head, so scratch that plan, a transparent computer mouse like the nineties never ended, and shelves.
- Underrated feature of this thing: I can set it printing and then go do something else. I am multiplying the number of hobbies I can do at once!
- Discovered that Travelling Man import books published by Rosmei (a publishing house that specialises in translating queer Chinese fiction into English, but crucially only has publishing rights in Singapore) and have been emotionally devastated by both Priest and Mu Su Li.
- I HAVE A CRAFT ROOM NOW! We got our conservatory redone (... the most middle-class sentence I have ever written) and now it is my craft room! I have... Far too much stuff. I need to do a big purge and tidy, so that I can actually get at all of the craft stuff I have stashed away in there. But it's so nice! I have space for all of my desks, and room to move between them, and I have one of the HUGE cube bookcases in there to stuff things into. It's just currently wildly disorganised because of who I am as a person.
- Accidentally stopped talking to everyone I know? Which sounds really mean. I should uh. Fix that.
- Got new meds! It turns out that the ADHD medication I was on was aimed at Literal Actual Children so was the wrong strength, and the pharmacist who halved my med dosage last year was just a muppet who typed the wrong thing on my records. I managed to get that sorted out, so now I'm on Proper Grown-Up ADHD Meds and a higher dose. New meds are going... Fine? My insomnia is back and the negative self-talk is making a return, but apart from that it's good!
- Turned 36! I am officially A Fandom Old now and I'm so excited!
IT IS MY FANDOM BIRTHDAY!!!
Monday, 3 November 2025 11:46 pmGOT AN EMAIL THAT MY LIVEJOURNAL IS 21 YEARS OLD.
I HAVE BEEN IN FANDOM FOR 21 YEARS.
IF I'D KNOWN BEFOREHAND I WOULD HAVE PLANNED SOMETHING, BUT HOLY SHIT MY FANDOM LIFE IS OLD ENOUGH TO GRADUATE UNI, WHAT THE HELL?????
Thank you all for being my friends all this time! I can honestly say that I wouldn't be as happy as I am without you. <3
... Also my fannish progression is literally this, don't let your dreams be dreams!
I HAVE BEEN IN FANDOM FOR 21 YEARS.
IF I'D KNOWN BEFOREHAND I WOULD HAVE PLANNED SOMETHING, BUT HOLY SHIT MY FANDOM LIFE IS OLD ENOUGH TO GRADUATE UNI, WHAT THE HELL?????
Thank you all for being my friends all this time! I can honestly say that I wouldn't be as happy as I am without you. <3
... Also my fannish progression is literally this, don't let your dreams be dreams!
In super fun work news: work are apparently trying to get 258 "full-time equivalent" hours of people to take voluntary redundancy, and if they don't get enough takers they will start enforcing redundancy on people. :) :) :) This process has been a shitshow from start to finish.
( Cut for complaining about how work handled This Mess. )
About half of my coworkers have put in an application just to buy enough time to make informed decisions... And I joined in on this action! "Do I want to leave my job" is a complicated question. "Do I want to spend two years waiting for the other shoe" is not. Lex has said he can support us if we cut back, and if the redundancy package is what the calculator said, I can probably make it to the end of the year job hunting full-time. There's always a chance I won't get chosen, and I'll keep my job! We just won't know until July.
Emotionally... God, I don't even know. My baby sister says I can have a little mid-life crisis! As a treat! Which is probably what this is, because I'm looking at my job and going "Is this really what I want to do?" Like, academic libraries were never where my heart lay anyway – it has none of the things that I actually enjoy about working in libraries – but this was the only place that offered permanent contracts, so here I stayed.
( Cut for discussing my work history (books) vs the jobs I want to do (books, but not like that). )
I've got a very rough plan of what I need to do on the job hunt front. I've got a spreadsheet of places to apply, temp agencies, potential freelance sites (if anyone has any recommendations for sites that are Not Scams, please let me know; I am new here), I know where to look for skill-refresher courses, so I just need to rebuild my CV and get on with it.
(The tl;dr section of my CV where I sum up why I'm amazing and should have all of the jobs is stressing me out. "I have been doing this for a thousand years and am not afraid to make phone calls" should be the easiest selling point of all time! Phrasing that so that a recruiter doesn't laugh me out of the building is not!)
So yeah, everything is fine. Got some job hunting to do, and I'm naffed off, but no need to worry about it. If you want to give advice though, I am ALL EARS.
( Cut for complaining about how work handled This Mess. )
About half of my coworkers have put in an application just to buy enough time to make informed decisions... And I joined in on this action! "Do I want to leave my job" is a complicated question. "Do I want to spend two years waiting for the other shoe" is not. Lex has said he can support us if we cut back, and if the redundancy package is what the calculator said, I can probably make it to the end of the year job hunting full-time. There's always a chance I won't get chosen, and I'll keep my job! We just won't know until July.
Emotionally... God, I don't even know. My baby sister says I can have a little mid-life crisis! As a treat! Which is probably what this is, because I'm looking at my job and going "Is this really what I want to do?" Like, academic libraries were never where my heart lay anyway – it has none of the things that I actually enjoy about working in libraries – but this was the only place that offered permanent contracts, so here I stayed.
( Cut for discussing my work history (books) vs the jobs I want to do (books, but not like that). )
I've got a very rough plan of what I need to do on the job hunt front. I've got a spreadsheet of places to apply, temp agencies, potential freelance sites (if anyone has any recommendations for sites that are Not Scams, please let me know; I am new here), I know where to look for skill-refresher courses, so I just need to rebuild my CV and get on with it.
(The tl;dr section of my CV where I sum up why I'm amazing and should have all of the jobs is stressing me out. "I have been doing this for a thousand years and am not afraid to make phone calls" should be the easiest selling point of all time! Phrasing that so that a recruiter doesn't laugh me out of the building is not!)
So yeah, everything is fine. Got some job hunting to do, and I'm naffed off, but no need to worry about it. If you want to give advice though, I am ALL EARS.
THERE IS MORE PET SHOP OF HORRORS
Tuesday, 22 April 2025 10:05 pmI AM SCREAMING
SEVEN SEAS STARTED RELEASING A NEW TRANSLATION OF PET SHOP OF HORRORS IN FEBRUARY
AND THERE'S TWO NEW SPIN-OFFS
AND I LITERALLY ONLY JUST LEARNED ABOUT IT TODAY OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM FIRING MYSELF AS A FAN HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS
SEVEN SEAS STARTED RELEASING A NEW TRANSLATION OF PET SHOP OF HORRORS IN FEBRUARY
AND THERE'S TWO NEW SPIN-OFFS
AND I LITERALLY ONLY JUST LEARNED ABOUT IT TODAY OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM FIRING MYSELF AS A FAN HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS
What do you mean it's April and I still haven't posted anything on Dreamwidth?
Wednesday, 2 April 2025 05:23 pmThat's not how this works, what is going on here!
HELLO INTERNET. I AM OKAY AND STILL ALIVE. January I was trying to clean my house because we were having workmen in, February was ENDLESS WORKMEN fixing up our conservatory, and March was Lex and I painting the conservatory and also me reading my bodyweight in manga. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Work is varying degrees of "fine" and "underwater." I haven't really done anything on the writing/crafting front in what feels like six months, but hopefully when our conservatory is finally finished on Saturday, I'm going to have space to do things again! Lex and Jill are both okay.
... Thassit, really, that's all that's really been going on!
HELLO INTERNET. I AM OKAY AND STILL ALIVE. January I was trying to clean my house because we were having workmen in, February was ENDLESS WORKMEN fixing up our conservatory, and March was Lex and I painting the conservatory and also me reading my bodyweight in manga. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Work is varying degrees of "fine" and "underwater." I haven't really done anything on the writing/crafting front in what feels like six months, but hopefully when our conservatory is finally finished on Saturday, I'm going to have space to do things again! Lex and Jill are both okay.
... Thassit, really, that's all that's really been going on!
I aten't dead: writing edition
Wednesday, 23 October 2024 03:00 pmToday I left the house to go write with a friend, and I took my afternoon dose of my ADHD meds. Completely co-incidentally, I've been able to write for what feels like the first time since 2021, when my writing friends moved away. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Funny how that works.
I aten't dead! I've been... Not writing. Not doing a lot to be honest – lots of video games while watching video essays about video games, because apparently this is who I am now? But also: thinking about writing. And thinking about why I've not been writing. Part of it is task cascade failure; I haven't done x so obviously I can't do y and oh god now z is going too! Part of it is using other things than writing as my work stims. Part of it is constantly being at home where the distractions are and not pulling myself away. But the rest... I think I needed to reset my reviewing brain.
I saw a post about paranoid readings recently and my brain stalled out. Listen, listen —
I have been doing that. Not just that, but trying to anticipate things that other people would find objectionable so as to pre-empt any "Susan likes this thing and didn't criticise x about it!" judgement. Which, to be clear, has never happened to me. I've seen other people point out things that I missed before, and people who have said that the positives I found in a work didn't cancel out the flaws for them, but if anyone came to me and went "How can you not criticise this thing!" then I've deleted that memory from my brain. Instead, I've somehow created this straw-boogieman in my head that is going to Do Something if I don't correctly highlight all of a protagonist's moral failings. Which is especially fun when you consider that the things that I really love are all about characters who are morally questionable at best and explicitly, deliberately monstrous at worst.
Not decided what to do about this yet! I know the answer is "Just review with your heart and damn the torpedoes," but it's haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. I don't think I want to go fully into reparative readings, but... Maybe I can find a mid-ground for myself. Maybe I can write little reviews and build up to having full opinions again. Goal for 2025: that????
(I think everyone I spoke to at Worldcon was just like "Yeah, I miss doing things on the internet" as well. Simultaneously glad and sad that it's not just me.)
For extra fun: I've been looking back at my old files, and genuinely going "Wait, I wrote that?" at some of it. Some of these ideas are great! Some of the jokes are funny! Past me, what were you doing? Didn't you say we were bad at this? Maybe I can... Go back to writing fic????? Maybe reaction shots? The world could be my oyster. If it works: see you again, space cowboys. ♥
I aten't dead! I've been... Not writing. Not doing a lot to be honest – lots of video games while watching video essays about video games, because apparently this is who I am now? But also: thinking about writing. And thinking about why I've not been writing. Part of it is task cascade failure; I haven't done x so obviously I can't do y and oh god now z is going too! Part of it is using other things than writing as my work stims. Part of it is constantly being at home where the distractions are and not pulling myself away. But the rest... I think I needed to reset my reviewing brain.
I saw a post about paranoid readings recently and my brain stalled out. Listen, listen —
Essentially, paranoid reading approaches a work — whether it’s a story, tweet, TV show, photograph, or anything else that can be critiqued — from a defensive position. It anticipates bad actors and maliciousness, seeking out clues for them.
I have been doing that. Not just that, but trying to anticipate things that other people would find objectionable so as to pre-empt any "Susan likes this thing and didn't criticise x about it!" judgement. Which, to be clear, has never happened to me. I've seen other people point out things that I missed before, and people who have said that the positives I found in a work didn't cancel out the flaws for them, but if anyone came to me and went "How can you not criticise this thing!" then I've deleted that memory from my brain. Instead, I've somehow created this straw-boogieman in my head that is going to Do Something if I don't correctly highlight all of a protagonist's moral failings. Which is especially fun when you consider that the things that I really love are all about characters who are morally questionable at best and explicitly, deliberately monstrous at worst.
Not decided what to do about this yet! I know the answer is "Just review with your heart and damn the torpedoes," but it's haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. I don't think I want to go fully into reparative readings, but... Maybe I can find a mid-ground for myself. Maybe I can write little reviews and build up to having full opinions again. Goal for 2025: that????
(I think everyone I spoke to at Worldcon was just like "Yeah, I miss doing things on the internet" as well. Simultaneously glad and sad that it's not just me.)
For extra fun: I've been looking back at my old files, and genuinely going "Wait, I wrote that?" at some of it. Some of these ideas are great! Some of the jokes are funny! Past me, what were you doing? Didn't you say we were bad at this? Maybe I can... Go back to writing fic????? Maybe reaction shots? The world could be my oyster. If it works: see you again, space cowboys. ♥
[Fic] Castlevania | I cannot dream tonight
Thursday, 1 August 2024 03:34 amIn something completely different, I have been sitting on this fic draft since April 2021 and finally finished it because my sleep cycle is a mess and apparently 3am is the perfect time for finally editing a fic I've been putting off. Title from I Miss You by Blink 182; shout out to AO3's tag system seeing me type "Blink" (for "Blink and you miss it OT3 agenda") and immediately going "No, wait, I know EXACTLY where you're going with this." Truly, it saved me when I realised I had ABSOLUTELY no idea what to title this.
Castlevania | I cannot dream tonight
G | 1121 words | Alucard, Trevor, and Sypha (hence blink and you miss it OT3 agenda) | No warnings | Set post season 2, ignores everything after that because I still haven't seen it.
Alucard is just trying to sleep. Everyone keeps piling into his bed.
( Read more... )
Castlevania | I cannot dream tonight
G | 1121 words | Alucard, Trevor, and Sypha (hence blink and you miss it OT3 agenda) | No warnings | Set post season 2, ignores everything after that because I still haven't seen it.
Alucard woke up as his door crashed open, sword flying out of its sheath before he fully opened his eyes. It arced across the room in a flash of silver, and Alucard managed to stay its motion just before it skewered Belmont in the doorway. Not that Belmont seemed to care at all; he batted the sword out of the way like he might have done a cobweb.
Alucard is just trying to sleep. Everyone keeps piling into his bed.
( Read more... )
Covid finally fucking got me!
Thursday, 1 August 2024 03:29 amManaged to dodge it for four years! Masked up the entire fucking time! Was convinced that work was where Covid was going to get me, what with the whole "We can get like 6000 people through the doors in a day" thing!
No. Two of Lex's coworkers tested positive after a work event, and here we are.
I'm mainly mad because I did everything right and STILL got the damn plague, but also because I got the damn plague while I'm off work anyway so I'm not even getting time off for it! I just wasted my holiday from work being asleep! Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Like, I mainly felt like I had the gnarliest cold there has ever been? Sore throat, trying desperately not to cough because it made my brain throb, bouncing between sleeping ALL OF THE TIME and not being able to sleep at all, because it was also shark week. In case there wasn't enough injury for this insult. e_____________________________e
I'm okay now, Lex is okay now, but UGH. Covid is bullshit and I hate it.
No. Two of Lex's coworkers tested positive after a work event, and here we are.
I'm mainly mad because I did everything right and STILL got the damn plague, but also because I got the damn plague while I'm off work anyway so I'm not even getting time off for it! I just wasted my holiday from work being asleep! Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Like, I mainly felt like I had the gnarliest cold there has ever been? Sore throat, trying desperately not to cough because it made my brain throb, bouncing between sleeping ALL OF THE TIME and not being able to sleep at all, because it was also shark week. In case there wasn't enough injury for this insult. e_____________________________e
I'm okay now, Lex is okay now, but UGH. Covid is bullshit and I hate it.
SUMMER TIME WHEN THE WEATHER IS FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE
Tuesday, 2 July 2024 03:47 pmBroke up from work for the summer! Forty week contract says I don't need to go back to work until September, and I am SO HAPPY.
Already booked so many workmen and quotes. As always, summer is for unfucking the house and trying to catch up on words and projects. I'm gonna make a dress! No one can stop me!
One of the quotes we requested is to fix our conservatory – right now the roof leaks and there's rising damp, which is really awkward when it was supposed to be my craft room. Managed to blow the workman's mind, because our conservatory doesn't have a door to the outside and he's never seen that before. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
... Apart from that, I don't really have any plans for this month? I have plans for August, because I'm going to Glasgow to see my friends and also Worldcon! Is anyone else going?
I started this post in April and only finished it in June
Monday, 3 June 2024 02:37 pmHappy seasonal depression new years for April! I celebrated by being confused by daylight saving time and tidying up my living room like an adult.
Okay, so, haven't posted since January, because 2024 has been a wild ride already!
So yeah, I'm okay! Just a bit frazzled and taking so many fucking accidental naps. Be safe my dudes.
Okay, so, haven't posted since January, because 2024 has been a wild ride already!
- My uncle died at the start of February. You don't need to condolences or anything, we weren't close, but my mum was upset and that was what we were all focusing on. ( Read more... )
- As part of visiting my mum for the funeral, I finally got to learn things about my grandparents! I'm thirty-four years old and didn't even know their names until this year, but now I know that my mum's dad was a boxer and a mechanic who worked on planes during WWII and swore he got torpedoed in Malta, and after the war he worked on a racecar and his boss took him and the car to Silverstone. My nan was a... I can't remember the word, but she was a computer operator in the ATS. My mum found a bag of photos of them stuffed under the sofa in my uncle's house, and now I know what my grandparents looked like!
- (I also looked up my dad's family on Ancestry because free trial gets you document access, and I legally don't have a grandfather on that side. The only name on my dad's birth certificate is his mum's. Like, I always knew I didn't have a granddad on that side because of the family lore, but it's weird to have that confirmation, I guess?
The family lore is that his mum was having it away with an american serviceman after her husband died in WWII, which made it REALLY AWKWARD when her husband came back. But I know her name now too! Her name was Elsie. And I feel weird knowing that, like she's suddenly a real person who existed even though I never knew her. Ugh.) - Lost a month mainlining the subs of Digimon, because it turns out they're on crunchyroll now! My impression is that the jokes are funnier in the subs, but the dub music is 1000% better. And the characterisation feels a bit more consistent across the series, but that could just be because they're not having to delete anything that could even hint at Japan so the script isn't getting gutted.
- Random thing: Taichi's dragging Hikari out when she's sick is somehow more heartbreaking in the sub because he specifically goes out to play with her, when in the dub he's going to play with his friends and takes her with him so he can babysit.
- THERE'S AN EPISODE WHERE PUPPETMON JUST CRACKS OUT A FUCKING GUN.
I'M NOT JOKING. PUPPETMON'S LIKE "OH, WHAT SHOULD I USE TO KILL THE KIDS? I KNOW! A FUCKING .44 MAGNUM. WHAT SHOULD I GIVE THE SIX YEAR OLD TO MAKE THIS INTERESTING? AN SMG!" - WIZARDMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! GATOMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! ;_____; THEY LOVE EACH OTHER YOUR HONOUR.
- Still not over how much less frustrating it is to watch as an adult because my brain goes "Ah yes, of course they're being idiots, they're ten."
- Accidentally got into cross stitch so my stims this year are apparently cross stitch and hidden cat games. Sure! Not gonna question it! Just gonna cross stitch psyducks and D20s to my heart's content!
- Work have basically cancelled all extra shifts for everyone, which is really awkward when we're chronically understaffed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It means that most of the part-timers have lost about £300 a month, so understandably none of us are happy.
( Read more... ) - I am so tired all the time. Like full-on "there are days where the only thing keeping me concious is my ADHD meds." How did I swing so thoroughly from "insomnia" to "narcolepsy" without stopping to pass go or collect £200.
- Shout out to Meguru Hinohana because discovering that Therapy Game was a sequel to Secret XXX cured my reading slump. She was my favourite BL mangaka anyway, she didn't have to give me 7+ volumes of guys going "Yes I know my feelings are irrational why are they still happening" but she did it anyway!
So yeah, I'm okay! Just a bit frazzled and taking so many fucking accidental naps. Be safe my dudes.
STAY AWAY FROM THE WOODS
Monday, 22 January 2024 02:46 pmGotta say, I find the multiplayer REALLY WEIRD on this one. I was expecting it to be like The Dark Pictures Anthology, where everyone picks some characters and we just switch control as the story progresses. Instead, it's one person gets to play, and everyone else only gets to vote on decisions. Which is weird. Especially as QTEs seem to be votes as well. (Sorry Laura for the whacks to the head you took before we figured that out.) Like, I'm okay with it! It means that we have time to
Anyway, spoilers through the prologue! tl;dr shockingly the game based on summer camp horror movies has literally no characters that make good decisions, news at ten. And I'm kinda looking at the characters going "
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rionaleonhart ships SOME OF YOU, it's going to be the messiest disaster pair, and I'm so excited to read the fic."( Read more... )
#WIPWednesday: If it was any louder it would be a rock concert
Wednesday, 17 January 2024 09:35 pmI MANAGED TO FIX (MOST OF) THE SEWING MACHINE MAT IN POST! The stitch in the ditch is still an omnishambles, but I've managed to fix what ailed the pockets. Once again, I'm not straight and the lines I cut aren't either.
And my original plan of "Oh just use fold-over elastic to bind it, that's what you've got!" lasted exactly long enough for me to remember that I had a bias-tape maker, so uhhhhhhhh I learned a new skill! I made whatever the equivalent of bias tape is if you just feed jellyrolls through it instead of strips cut on the bias! I've pinned all of the binding on, and now I just need to actually sew it! And uhhhhhh remember that I don't know how to sew the ends together, so I need to learn how to do that first.
And my original plan of "Oh just use fold-over elastic to bind it, that's what you've got!" lasted exactly long enough for me to remember that I had a bias-tape maker, so uhhhhhhhh I learned a new skill! I made whatever the equivalent of bias tape is if you just feed jellyrolls through it instead of strips cut on the bias! I've pinned all of the binding on, and now I just need to actually sew it! And uhhhhhh remember that I don't know how to sew the ends together, so I need to learn how to do that first.
Genre consistency is for people who aren't me
Sunday, 14 January 2024 01:30 pm- Hey Brother by dArtagnan — I was not expecting the gender envy to ambush me over a fantasy metal band, but HERE WE ARE. I keep rewatching the video to see what is tripping the gender sensor! I'm hoping it's just going to be the clothes, because I can do something with that. I can't do anything with "Be tall, have a sword, wear eyeliner." Also the cover's pretty good! Don't get me wrong, it's a good cover! But here I am, once again dissecting outfits.
- Dancing with the Dead by Powerwolf — Once again, brain, the chorus is STILL not "Lost her heart to the spiritus sanctum, baby."
- I'm a Rover by Great Big Sea — Playing a violinist bard in BG3 got me back on my folk music bullshit, and so: I'm a rover seldom sober, I'm a rover of high degree!
- Ladies Have Friends Who They Hate by Mr B The Gentleman Rhymer — "Ladies have friends who they hate, who they would like to defenestrate" sums up more of my f/f ships than it probably should!
- Perception Check by Tom Cardy — Lex sent me this song ages ago and it made me cackle, and then one of my friends linked me to a BG3 animatic and omg yes perfect. (I think we have the OPPOSITE of this problem in most of my games, in that we keep wanting to talk to LITERALLY EVERYONE and the GM is not prepared. Or one of our GMs is too prepared for our nonsense and doesn't give us airtime to pull any nonsense.)
- Level Clear by Tom Cardy — If I had a nickel for every song I knew about how Mario is ridiculously overqualified, I'd have two nickels but it's weird that it happened twice.
- Los Distubados – Stuparena (Mash-up by Bill McClintock) — Did not know that there was a mash-up of Stupefy with the Macarena, but you're welcome for this discovery.
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