spindizzy: Knitting (Woolcraft)
Good morning everyone! How are you all doing? I'm still snowed under with wool projects, which is fun but also terrible because auuuuugh how am I going to get this all done by Christmas? (Better prioritisation, basically. I have a list, and I know when I'm going to be seeing people around Christmas, and I have like a week off beforehand, so... Hopefully this problem is going to solve itself. Somehow.)

Apart from adventures in wool, I haven't really been doing much! I've started my new hours at work – did I mention that on here, or just on twitter? Because that was a Whole Entire Saga, where the hours that I wanted came up for applications after the hours that I would have been okay doing did, so I had an interview and got one set of hours, and then had to be like "Well, I actually want this OTHER set, so..." But the point is still that I applied for TWO WHOLE JOBS and got BOTH OF THEM, because I am mighty! And doing interviews while taking anti-anxiety meds is a really different experience and it was weird. I felt... Not relaxed, but slightly more confident in my answers and my assessment of how well I'd done? And I checked in advance and the interviewers were cool with my bringing a fidget cube through so that I could concentrate, and they actually had all of the interview questions written down in big letters for candidates to read! That is SO USEFUL, why doesn't everywhere do that?!

... None of which is the actual point, which is that I have kind of a new job! It's at the same library, but I have to get up at six in the morning to make it to work on time (Q: Susan, didn't you change jobs in 2015 to avoid getting up at six in the morning? A: I KNOW.), and I get holidays off! Which means that I might actually use my holiday for restful things instead of being an anxious ball of goo! The downside of it is that I don't get annual leave, which means taking off days that I want to is gonna be a pain in the butt. It's only been a week, but so far it's been okay? I am somewhat tired but also trying to go to bed on time (I went to bed at 22:00 one day, [twitter.com profile] readingtheend would be very proud), and having my afternoons back is SO NICE.

Unfortunately, I'm swinging between "I am too tired for emotional investment" and "Just break my heart baby, I'm ready," and I'm not in the mood for any of the rubbish action movies I have to hand, which means that when I'm awake, I'm watching Yuri On Ice and wailing, and when I'm not awake I'm watching action horror movies and being grouchy that they're not fitting the very specific niche thing that I'm interested in.

("I didn't think you had time to rewatch things you liked because your viewing schedule was booked until 2033?" says [twitter.com profile] sithe while I'm rewatching YoI. "Or are you planning to write a two-years-later retrospective?" I CAN'T EVEN BE MAD BECAUSE HE'S NOT WRONG, WHAT THE HELL. I'm getting predictable in my old age, this is the worst!)

Apart from that... Apparently I've somehow written a truly obscene amount of words this year, according to 4tw and my GYWO spreadsheet, now that I've finally gotten around to tallying the two together. I didn't know I had that many words IN ME, but I guess that's what I get for writing in an anxiety fuelled frenzy at the start of the year, and then trying to figure out healthy writing habits at the end of it? I guess?????

So yeah, I'm okay, I'm snowed under with stuff like always, but I think I'm dealing with it, which is nice!
spindizzy: (Long way down)
 Hello my darlings! I am INCREDIBLY tired! I have successfully managed to change my hours at work (essentially getting a new job, because it's a new contract that means I don't accrue leave but DO get university holidays off, so swings and roundabouts I guess.), which is nice because yay more money and working the same hours every day! Boo because now I have to get up at six in the morning, and I am SO TIRED. My hours start next week, but I'm trying to scale my sleep cycle back far enough that I can actually, y'know, be functional in the morning when my hours change. It suuuuuuuuuuuucks. But on the plus side, apparently mornings have a little less customer interaction but a little more jobs that you can just work through to fill your shift than the afternoon or evening shifts, so this could be really good for me and my anxiety? Plus: afternoons off!

[twitter.com profile] splend and I have finally finished Beyond: Two Souls, by which I mean we spent like four hours cursing Rabid Rage's name to hell and back for this racist nonsense that he put together where you can't NOT kiss the creepy white dude. Next up: Life is Strange! We're probably gonna have to think REALLY fast to agree on decisions there, but it's fine! We will figure something out. (We really just need to start making a list of media we're gonna blitz together, because we have a lot of fun doing that! ... Also it's Sam's turn to pick the movies because he was Not Happy during Resident Evil 6.)

Um... What else is going on with me? Not much, to be honest. I'm kinda gearing back up into an end-of-year frenzy of words and crafting, because I have A BUNCH of Christmas presents to make (How many? SO MANY.) and I started a little too late. But it's fine! It's fine! I am being sure to pace myself and drink lots of water and take breaks, it's fine. Plus I have a delivery of SAFETY EYES waiting for me at home when I get back, so that's going to be exciting! I've got as far as I could get in one project without them, so the timing's pretty great. And I'm replaying Bioshock Infinite, because apparently Elizabeth is the person I'm in the mood for. Maybe I will achieve my plan of going through it in the order that SEEMS to be correct for maximum surprises (Bioshock Infinite, Bioshock, Bioshock 2, Burial at Sea. BURIAL AT SEA IS THE ONE I'M EXCITED FOR, OKAY, BECAUSE ELIZABETH.) I think I'm getting the balance right of "Must hit this deadline aaaaaaaaah!" to breaks that mean I'm not cramming at the deadline, so... Progress?

On that topic, apparently my christmas present from my doctor was validation that I've made progress and I've come a long way, considering that back in... April? I was convinced that I was never going to get better and that my anxiety was all that I was ever going to be, and now I'm treating my anxiety and slowly figuring out who I am underneath it! It turns out that when I'm not self-sabotaging myself, I'm actually kinda confident? Still not always good at judging what I can get done in the time available to me, but better than I was before I started treatment. It's weird! And kinda cool! And I hope that the new Susan is someone cool as well, because I put a lot of effort into making her!

But yeah, I've got nothing. Christmas plans are still a bit up in the air and need some hardcore wrangling, and I still have a couple more presents that I need to make and/or buy, but... It's fine. It feels doable. (I'll report back in a week or so as to whether it actually WAS doable!) How are you all doing? Are you all okay?
spindizzy: Moko and Kyoko from Skip Beat!, Moko emoting angry skulls and Kyoko emoting love hearts. (WHY DO YOU LOVE ME)
HELLO MY DARLINGS, how are y'all? I can't even remember all of the stuff that's been happening since I last posted, lemme see.

  • I had my assessment for that job I mentioned! I had a lot of fun, but I didn't get it and that's okay. My manager did actually pass my name on to the access team like she said she would, which I wasn't expecting – apparently the lady in charge says that they don't need any transcription doing right now, but they might need someone to do some text reformatting so I can do that!

  • (Oh god I can smell the fajita paninis they do at work and now I am so hungry.)
  • I just want to sit in a corner and stare at a wall, or maybe read stuff instead of staring at a wall, but I do not have time. Boooooooooo.

  • Had my first first aid incident since getting trained, which was terrifying even though everything was fine. Did you know that hazelnuts can trigger a peanut allergy? You do now!

  • One of the people I keep bumping into at training events (We've never worked in the same library at the same time but we're both library assistants?) is both on twitter and in my fandoms and sometimes I wonder if we ever accidentally retweet each other and just never know. I've not asked for her username, because then I'd have to reveal mine, and the sheer about of NONSENSE on my feed is not something that should be inflicted on people I have a professional relationship with.

  • I did a quick twitter thread on my writing rituals/how I use a zillion page flags to stay organised. In case you ever thought I was exaggerating how many page flags I use: NOPE. A. ZILLION.

  • 5th Ed. D&D apparently has a specific days-of-effort and monetary requirement for learning a new proficiency, which means that I now have a helpful tracker listing how long my paladin has been trying to learn how to cook, and all of the different ways this has gone badly. ... I only poisoned the other party members ONCE. And I'm 90% certain that four on the dice was divine punishment because I prayed for help on the EXPLICIT UNDERSTANDING that we were trying to turn the monster into food, and Lex dropped the carcass on the floor and ruined the meat.

  • I did go swimming last week, and I've apparently put my goggles and swimming hat Somewhere Safe, which means that I might never see them again. On the plus side, I don't need them for Aquafit, so I've been to that.

  • Our boiler is STILL BROKEN but hopefully someone will be coming out to deal with that today! MAYBE OUR SHOWER WILL STOP RUNNING LIKE IT'S DIRECT FROM THE GLACIER.

  • Did I mention that HR at my council job fucked up, overpaid me, and are now billing me? Apparently the invoice I received was supposed to contain instructions for how I could pay in installments but it sure fucking did not. Like, literally I have not been paid for my council work since December, they fucked up my taxes with that overpayment so that I got £200 I can't afford taken off me, and now they can't even make it easy for me to sort out the bit under my control. *spits*

  • I have... Sort of made progress in my sock! In that I have done the heel and am slowly deciphering what it wants me to do with the rest. ... I genuinely don't know how people parsed confusing instructions before youtube if they didn't know other knitters. Books and guesswork?

  • I'm TWO patreon tiers! And Ana and Renay said really nice things about why I'm two patreon tiers! ;______;

  • I have played 1.5 of the FFXV DLCs (Episode Gladio and half of Episode Prompto) and I will Sure Have Thoughts in a bit, but I want to finish all of them first. I want to get this done ASAP because FFXV, base game? No DLC? Is EIGHTY GIGABYTES ON THE HARDDRIVE, even if you're running it off a disk! WHAT THE FUCK SQUEENIX.

  • ... I desperately want FFXII: Zodiac Age for the PC but I can't work out if my computer will run it. Weirdly, I think I have everything but the graphics card? But the graphics card is kinda important. ... It might be enough to run FFType-0, actually, that'd be nice.

  • Tonight, I am HOPEFULLY going to an event on "A Global Look At Queer" (or, if I read the description right, what happens when you decentralise white cis gay men from the narrative of queerness.). I'm sad I can't make the one next week, because apparently they're celebrating valentine's day by talking about whether respectability politics and conforming to the American heteronormative ideals of marriage and military service has damaged the revolutionary spirit of queerness. It sounds REALLY COOL.

  • I don't know why, but when I reach for a word for my sexuality the one that comes back is ALWAYS lesbian. I get queer next, but always lesbian first. This why "Go for the word that feels right" is 100% nonsense.

  • I dunno, I got nothing except a to-do list that is Sure A Thing, so I'd better crack on with that. What y'all up to?
spindizzy: (Default)
  • Whoever put together the Draconic Domination Magic deck KNOWS WHAT I LIKE. It's full of big stompy dragons and card-draw and those are pretty much my two favourite things. Lex got it for me for Christmas and I loooooove it.

  • I know [twitter.com profile] glempy jokes that I keep adding more deadlines and projects because I'm convinced that I'm bad and need to be punished, but... I think this might actually be the correct amount of busy for me? Like, right now my anxiety isn't yelling at me that I'm not doing enough like it usually does, and I am actually sleeping, which is weird and novel. I don't want to say for definite that this is okay, because there is every chance that I'm running on false confidence and at some point I'm just going to keel over, but for now... I feel about right?

  • Trying to plan my swimming schedule when shark week might be imminent (but who the fuck knows because I don't think it's been on a regular cycle ever, not even once) is an absolute pain. Especially because depending on how this all falls, I might end up having to take like three weeks off that AquaFit class I'm doing (this week off for a haircut and next week off for an assessment for that extra ten hours I mentioned I might wanna pick up, and then IDEK.)

  • Oh, I had a hair cut! The lady was very frustrated by my hair because apparently it's not grown back evenly from the undercut, but I'm okay with that? I don't look quite as dykey as intended, but it's still pretty cute.

  • I bought new work clothes! I felt horribly underdressed at work, because all of my male colleagues tend to wear jeans+nice shirt+jumper, and all of my female colleagues tend to wear dresses or nice shirts and sensible trousers/skirts, and I was... Me? But I went to Marks & Sparks and managed to find the section that was work clothes that were only overpriced instead of actively offensively gouging, and now I own work shirts! They have a "no peep placket" which is literally a button sewed onto the back of the buttonhole band to hold the bits that would gap closed. I don't know if that's actually smart, or if I've just been deprived for years. (Also: I didn't know tank tops were the same thing as sweater vests, whoops.) Still cute though!

  • ... Yes I was brought up so working class that shopping at M&S is a mark of the bourgeoisie. I have betrayed my people.

  • I have written up my original ideas book into my traveller's notebook and now I want to mash myself face first into all of my old fandoms. Like, A LOT. Maybe joining drabble communities has helped, because it's reminding me that "Oh yeah, writing fic is a thing that I like! I should do more of this!"

  • ... I am considering buying FFXV on Steam, even though I KNOW that Squeenix games don't usually work well on computers, just so I can have unfettered access. The idea of starting all over again though...
    • Plus if I was gonna replay FFXV from the start, I'd want to do it PROPERLY and put all of the media in my face in the correct order. Right now I'm saying that's the prequel side-scroller about King Sean Bean that I never played, the demo, the prologue novella that [personal profile] thebaconfat found, the first chapter of FFXV, Kingsglaive, and then the rest of FFXV but I am open to suggestions!

    • I need to get around to asking my housemate if its okay if I uninstall some stuff on the PS4 so that I can actually get the PS4 to acknowledge the disk. Because FFXV takes up so much space that even that causes an error message.

    • I am personally offended that hot beardy Noctis is in all of the promo material for the Steam version of FFXV but not the actual game, how dare they.

    • ... But if I start it again, then I can really go hard into the sidequests. Never stop doing sidequests. Eat every single weird animal roaming the wilderness.


  • Oh yeah, I have an assessment for that ten hours I said I was doing because they had a lot of people expressing interest. I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN GET IT, Y'ALL CAN STOP WORRYING.

  • Sockdate: I am half an inch away from being done with the heel flap, which is GREAT because apparently k1s1 is too complicated for me. I am intrigued to see where this is going next! I'm not very good at translating patterns into like, actual things? So it's exciting to see how this is taking shape and what it's going to be soon.
spindizzy: Sherlock Holmes as played by Jeremy Brett, laughing with a hand covering his face. (You do make me laugh)
(And while explaining CPR the woman says very casually "You're gonna break some ribs." END TOPIC.)


And I check my phone on the break and find out I've got a missed call from my manager at this job. And when I ring him back he's like "Susan, did you remember you were supposed to be working from this time to this time?"

"Yes," I said. "But I'm on a training course today? You said that you authorised it and I had a reminder email from HR so I thought I was booked on —"

"Oh, yes!" he says, "I forgot to write that down so you're still on the rota. That's okay then, you're fine."

... My manager is lovely, but heart attacks I did not need.

The best part is, he phoned me AN HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES after my shift was supposed to start. That's generosity on a grand scale, I guess?
spindizzy: I feel like I spent the whole day fighting guys in rubber suits! D: (I feel like I've fought fake aliens)
Huh. Someone I used to work for has apparently died and I don't know how to feel about it. She was a horrible abusive person who enjoyed turning her staff and friends against each other1 and helped me and Jill to become the anxious creatures y'all know and love today, but she was really solid when my mum needed help when my dad was first diagnosed, and she paid me and Jill pretty solidly for years. And like, everyone knew she was a two-faced bitch (on one occasion my dad specifically said "I'd demonstrate it for you, but then you'd lose your job."), and what she was like. But.

So, I guess... I don't know how to feel. A person is dead. That person wasn't particularly great, but they're still dead. I'm at the "Huh, okay," stage of thinking about that, will see how it develops.

Cut for examples, I guess? )
spindizzy: Sherlock Holmes as played by Jeremy Brett, laughing with a hand covering his face. (You do make me laugh)
Ey up loves!

  • Today is the first super official day back for the students at work, in that it's the first day of exams, so for three out of the four hours of today's shift I did not stop. It took me fifty-five minutes to fill six printers with paper because there were that many students trying to print off their essays. Also, the sheer amount of shenaniganry students do to get one of the private rooms! My god!
    • (Q: Susan, didn't you used to be a student?
      A: Mate I did Ancient History, no one went on our floor so it didn't matter if I left my shit everywhere.)

    • But it was also weird! Because my regulars weren't there! One of them came in on his own, instead of in a trio, and I was so surprised that I actually asked him where the others were! (They had exams, bless 'em; I hope they were okay!)

    • ... My manager told us newbies "If you couldn't do this job, you wouldn't have this job," and I am trying to cling to that because I feel like I don't know a single bloody thing.

  • I'm back in the public libraries tomorrow for the first time in like a month, which is probably good because I have a boatload of books to return. I'm also gonna have to grump at HR, maybe, because guess what – they lost my leaving paperwork. My manager filed it in November, but they just... Lost it somewhere...? So I've been paid for the two months where I haven't worked my hours (because, I remind you, they are not my hours anymore), but also I'm now not technically an employee anymore so I can't get paid for the work I've actually done until HR sorts itself out. So... Next month at the earliest! And for bonus points: they're gonna invoice me for the money they overpaid me. FUCKING HELL HR.

  • Yes I went swimming!
    Cut because it's boring and I can't count. )
  • I'm telling everyone this story because I love it: so the lifeguards have training on a Monday afternoon, right? And I'm doing my lengths, when all I hear is "RAMMING SPEED!" and a SPLOOSH. I think I saw one of the rescue boards involved somewhere, but I don't even care, I immediately trust everyone involved to keep me safe from like viking invaders or whatever.

  • I have a whole TWO INCHES OF SOCK, I'm so pleased. It looks TERRIBLE and I don't even care, because the point is for me to remember how to knit (and purl, oh god, no, I don't remember, it's all gone wrong) and try out making a heel on something that doesn't MATTER because I'm going to send it to our Jill for reasons that I don't remember. I know I told her I was going to send her a sock. Just the one sock. I don't remember why. I'm at the bit that's just "knit until you're ready to put a heel on" and oh god, I'm not ready! I'm knitting it on a round needle now, so I suspect I'm going to have to decant some of this onto the DPNs and see how it goes from there.

  • ... Not being able to try this sock on to see if I've got it right is proving to be An Experience In Hope.

  • I got introduced to the band God Is An Astronaut, that seems to specialise in strange instrumentals? I like this one, but this one sounds like someone got into a boss battle two-thirds of the way in!
spindizzy: Count D in a cleaning frenzy. (Working hard)
  • I took a day off yesterday! A proper day off, where I didn't go into the dayjobs , didn't write, didn't transcribe. IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. I found and reread my copy of Flutter by Momoko Tenzen and knitted half-an-inch of sock while playing boardgames with everything. I think the closest I got to doing work was attempting to recover all of the tabs that Firefox ate when it decided "Nope, enough of this, this is far too silly."

  • [personal profile] extrapenguin made A WHOLE BUNCH OF NIRVANA IN FIRE icons because they are amazing and I need to use all of them. Somehow.

  • I am getting the impression that maybe I don't know what a sensible amount of stuff to fit into one day, because when I make jokes about how much of a lazy slug I am everyone is just like "... Wait, what?" APPARENTLY stuff still counts even if you have to tag "But I only" on the end. I could! Do more! My to-do list is huge! But apparently you're supposed to count what you DID get done, not what you DIDN'T, and my Lying Traitor Brain is continuing to both lie and be a traitor.

  • Youtube has learned that I will follow its recommendations if it brings me 18 different versions of "Emiya" from all the Fate soundtracks. This is UNFAIR AND ACCURATE.

  • I felt like me again on Friday! I didn't even know I didn't feel like me until then! I mean, I'm a little sad that I felt like me on a day where I'd gone to bed late, caffeinated myself, and did no exercise, but I'm UNSURPRISED.

  • We also had an evacuation at work on Friday, which probably helped because it made my shift feel that much shorter! Not a drill, but not a proper fire either? We think some of the workmen set it off accidentally. Either way we managed to get 300+ people out of the building in like 15-20 minutes, which is pretty good for a six-storey building! ... I am CONCERNED about the students who KEEP WORKING THROUGH THE FIRE ALARM and also the ones who stopped directly in front of the exits like "This is far enough to evacuate, right?" (No. No it wasn't. I ended up repeating "That's the fire alarm, you need to leave," a lot. On the plus side, I didn't have anyone going "I can't hear you, the fire alarm's going off" so it's better than my LAST fire drill.)

  • I feel very fond of the regulars that I'm meeting, which is probably not going to last. Please go home and rest occasionally you guys! You're all very nice, but you'll end up a trashfire like me if you don't sleep!

  • Nottingham Station caught fire! Not sure what happened there, but it's out and I don't think anyone was harmed? I told our Jill not to come visit me by train and she said she wasn't going to come and visit me anyway. :( :( :(

  • Did I tell you about the enquiry I had? Dude knew the journal he wanted, and the year, and the page numbers for the article he needed... But not the title or author. ... Wut.

Yeah, I got nothing. How is everyone! What've you been up to since I saw you last?
spindizzy: Victor looking over his shoulder as he holds a CD. (huh?)
    Cut for exercise talk being of interest to literally no one. )
  • I do not know why I have been feeling so sad the last few days! It's really weird! [twitter.com profile] faintdreams was correct that at least some of it was dehydration, so I am pouring water into my face and seeing if that helps.

  • (I mentioned on twitter that I am pretty much having a drink of water whenever my brain tried to tell me that I was sad, so either I am going to be SUPER HYDRATED or I am going to drown the fucker into being happy. WE SHALL SEE.)

  • Fate/Apocrypha is on Netflix now if anyone wants to get in on that with me! Lex and I rewatched the first six episodes, and it was very strange to look back at who/what we thought was going to be important, and see some more of the problems coming in advance!

  • I have ordered myself some cute sock knitting needles off Etsy, which I really want to arrive soon! I have got some wooden ones and some metal ones to see what I get on with better – I prefer my hooks and needles to not be metal because I am a delicate flower, but this is quite small, so... Maybe it'll help?

  • I am getting antsy for a new notebook. I've GOT notebooks, I have enough notebooks that I could straight up hand-draft everything I write until doomsday and never run out, but also I want. (I am allowing myself to entertain the idea of a pastel clipbook for putting all of my crochet/knitting patterns in, but I should not be allowed to do that because it will only end badly.)

  • I currently have a post-it stuck to the ruler/bookmark in my diary with all of my goals on it, just to make sure that I don't... Get distracted and forget that it's a thing that I want to do? Seems to be working okay! I am definitely crossing things off already.

  • I had a customer come in asking for a specific article from a journal. He knew the journal, he knew the year, he knew the page numbers... But not the title. Orz

  • I am still mad about photobucket taking the icon making community out at the knees, but I'm gonna hunt for/make Nirvana in Fire and Fate icons, and I GUESS I need something for when I'm being boring about health/exercise so people know what to skip??? I asked on the Nirvana in Fire discord if anyone knew of any icon makers and someone slid me a bunch of screencaps so I know what my plans are.

  • I am never going to stop being confused that the experience most emotionally similar to the LJ communities of old... Is a mass chatroom...

And you know what, fuck it, here's the music that I've been listening to this week! Read more... )

So... We survived the first week of 2018! How is everyone doing? What you up to?
spindizzy: A close-up of Yuna's face while she's wearing her wedding dress. (And this is where it all falls down)
  • I am watching Nirvana in Fire! I don't want to do a proper reaction shot for it, because I... Don't know enough about Chinese history and current tv norms to know where it's doing interesting things? All I've got is that I really love the character work going on, and it has some of my favourite tropes (The strategist chooses who he wants to win the throne and vows to do everything he can so that his choice can keep his hands clean! There is a battle princess!), all of the feelings are unspoken and delicious, and I just want to sit and scream into my crochet about it? Like, I'm at that weird stage where I want to yell with people ("DID YOU NOTICE THE WAY HE TOUCHES THINGS WHEN HE'S THINKING, BECAUSE THEY'RE SHOOTING IT LIKE IT'S SIGNIFICANT – OMG!!!") but also I want to keep it private, and have my feelings to myself? I dunno guys, go watch it and we'll set a date where we reconvene and yell in all caps.
    • Especially because I want to yell about THE THING that Xia Dong signed up for, and also how I FUCKING KNEW IT regarding pearls.

    • Also I can't believe it skipped the three emotional scenes I've been longing for, and then made up for it with like three solid minutes of Jingyan being happy.

  • I am also using this TV obsession to CROCHET ALL THE THINGS. I am determined to make a sock. I don't know why, I just... Want to make a sock. Unfortunately, I've discovered that if I want to actually get the texture I want for a sock (i.e. can be worn in a shoe) I'm going to actually have to knit. Fortunately, [twitter.com profile] dipping_sauce has supplied me with SO MANY KNITTED SOCK PATTERNS and [twitter.com profile] faintdreams has pointed out that you can get knitting looms, so I just need to get some actual needles and can jump into sock-knitting hell instead of crocheting?

  • New Dayjob! I think I'm not going to get a very good idea of what the job's actually like until February – my first two weeks were training, this week the university's closed for the Christmas holiday, next week I'm not in, and then January is exam season – so I will see what it's like normally is about a month I guess!

    But it's cool, I've finally started my proper hours, and it's weird but kinda nice? There is... A lot... To remember... And I am slowly figuring it out. Very very slowly.
    • I got paid on the 21st and I am 90% sure that my old job fucked up my last paycheque, because even if they paid me for all the leave I had booked and my relief from last month, they shouldn't be paying me a thousand pounds? But it's fine, it's fine, I just had to take a solid minute to bask in my bank account actually have £1500 in before all of my bills go out. (I HAVE NEVER HAD THIS MUCH MONEY AT ONCE, OKAY. I don't know if I'm ever going to trust myself to not go crazy taking on more hours now I know that it's possible to get paid more than a thousand pounds in one go.

    • [twitter.com profile] jilliferium sent me this and I FEEL ATTACKED.

    • Also I have had like a week off and it's WEIRD but I have deliberately not done anything with it (I was gonna at one point and then Mike yelled "IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE YOU MAD WORKAHOLIC" and this was a compelling argument) so I... Chilled? And it's weird? But I'm going to be working most days in January so it's good to store up all this chill now I guess!
spindizzy: Kyoko lying on the floor looking sad. (Nuuuu)
I have two job interview offers! They are both all morning on the exact same day, YAY. /o\ I'm gonna have to pick one to definitely go to and email the other like "... Help?" I don't expect much from them, because last time I interviewed there it was a disaster (you know how most places use the interview to essentially ask you what was in the application form and see how you do under pressure? This place asked five questions and I was ready for none of them. ... Actually, no, fuck, I accepted the one I got yesterday because I didn't know that there would be another acceptance, and I picked the one with worse hours. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

[ETA: Sent the email, the lady's not actually answering emails today according to her out of office, but we'll see what she says.]

I also need to make decisions, ugh.
  • My library's assistant in charge has gone down to part time hours, right? Which means that the other half of her hours have gone up for grabs, and I need to decide if I want to apply for them. I don't... If it was just "Do the paperwork and boring data entry of running a library," then sure! Fine! If it's the admin side of things then I am well up for that! But it's not, it's the "deal with angry customers and the shit geyser that went off in the public bathroom" side of things as well and I'm not necessarily ready for that? And it would still only be a temporary contract, because the council doesn't believe in permanent hours.

    But it's also the only career development IN public libraries at the moment. And doing it as a job share might be the best way to learn.

    ... The other thing is that I worry I might do it for spite? I think I mentioned on here that the only person who's keen on the job is someone who I wouldn't necessarily want as a line manager? But also she chatted to me about it the other day and there was this weird edge to how she was saying it, like she really wanted me to know that this was her last chance for a career change before she retired and she was really hopeful about it? I don't know if that's my anxiety, but I seriously feel like she was trying to put me off. (Honestly, I feel like NEITHER of us should get this job, because I think we'd both be shit at it, but the women I'd WANT to take the job either have two jobs already or are leaving our authority entirely, so it's like... Fuck. FUCK.)

  • [twitter.com profile] illusclaire is looking for people to write about single issues of comics a couple of times a month for Women Write About Comics, and I am... Honestly tempted!

  • I definitely don't have time to volunteer as a first reader at Strange Horizons but I want, I want. I absolutely do NOT have eight hours a week to drop on something else though, do not let me try to convince myself that I do. Which is what I'm trying to do.


... Also I got my activation code for my tax thing, forgot my password to log-in, and can't reset it because I've not received my Unique Tazpayer's Reference yet, even though I was supposed to get that first. Auuuuugh.
spindizzy: (Default)
  • IT IS MY BABY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY I AM SUPER HYPED! She is 24 and it's weirding me out.

  • Today I woke up with a sore throat and I'm just like "NO BODY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE ILL, WE ARE BARELY TWO WEEKS INTO THIS MONTH OF DOOM, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!" but hopes are low.

  • Got to work at one of my OTHER libraries around 8:45 all like "Sure hope someone shows up with the keys to let me in!"

    9:00 another lady shows up and we're both like "Sure hope someone shows up with the keys to let us in!"

    9:15, we start phoning the district manager because we're supposed to be in the building by now.

    (Lady straight up just forgot, because she's not well? So she ran over with the keys, let us and the six customers waiting outside in, and then ran off to do her day. Bless.)

  • Oh god, don't you hate shifts where none of the staff who actually work in the building and know where everything is are at work that day. so you have to muddle through and hope? *lies on floor* And apparently that library has been having a problem with kids on the roof, so we had someone coming round to work out how we can stop them doing that. I'm assuming it's gonna be rusty razorwire like the back of that library but ?????

  • I ran ERRANDS today, including going to the BANK. I am super great at this.


  • Saw King Arthur and it had everything I wanted (Guy Ritchie quirks, shirtless Charlie Hunnam, ENORMOUS ANGRY WAR ELEPHANTS), which pretty much made up for the flaws (Are you going to do anything with that set-up there? Name more than two female characters? Stop killing female characters EXPLICITLY for motivating dudes?). Also I swear Kate McGraw or whatever her name is was in this for like two minutes at the start before everything went to shit.

  • I am writing all of this down because I'm lying on the chaise going "Oh god, why am I tired, why can I not get motivated to do anything?" and the answer is I HAVE USED UP ALL OF MY ACTION POINTS, OKAY, I NEED TO WAIT FOR THEM TO RECHARGE.
spindizzy: Count D in a cleaning frenzy. (Working hard)
I'm now doing the thing where I am judging what work I want to do on a day by whether I want to take my laptop with me to my dayjob. I think that on Monday I DON'T? Which means that I will either not be working on transcription or will be seeing if I can do the editing on my tablet, and I'll be roughing out my Lesbrary review on paper. That's... Doable in theory?

(Also I need to read two volumes of manga while I'm on the busses to get them back to a DIFFERENT library after work, orz orz orz. I knew I didn't have time to read Tokyo Mew Mew when I took it out and then I did it anyway like a chump.)

And then... Tuesday sign language class starts again, so I'll find out if I've autofailed like a fuckmuppet and won't have time to work; Wednesday I'm doing a short shift (That library closes at 14:00 so they literally can't keep me longer!) so I'll have time to work at the library between getting out of work and going to see King Arthur; Thursday I'm working till 19:00 and I won't have the brain to do anything, Friday... I don't actually know? I think Friday the people I usually hang out with might be gaming so I will be free to type in a corner. And Saturday I'm at work till 16:00 again, which means that Sunday I will be asleep.

GOOD. GOT IT. Now I know what I'm up to and when I go "I can totally do X on such a day" I can come back here and remind myself that no, we've been over this.

(I have made the executive decision that my diary doesn't cover enough time because it stops at 20:00, which is about where my day really gets going in terms of "things I want in my diary" so I am bodging a super quick and dirty 20:00-01:00 segment to go in my diary as well. It's working so far, but I'm giving it a week to see how I like it.)


ETA: Q: Susan, in retrospect, isn't this entire post about how you're trying to fit your extra-curricular activities around your six-day work week?
A: Yes, I did realise as soon as I hit post that the biting has already happened and it's far too late, don't worry.
spindizzy: (Long way down)
I interviewed for an assistant-in-charge job at Library 3 (L3), and I completely blew it! I just didn't know enough about the role (I spoke to a couple of assistants in charge about what they did, but I didn't ask the right questions, obviously), and I didn't give detailed enough answers, and ugggggh. I am embarrassed.

I thought I was faking confidence well enough, but one of the ladies at work who saw me before I went in was like "You were shaking like a leaf when you went in!" and one of the interviewers specifically checked on me after my interview, because I was working a shift at L3 after my interview. *lies on floor* Apparently she just wanted to pat my hands during the interview and tell me it would be okay! orz

THE UPSIDE OF ALL OF THIS is that apparently very few library assistants ever make it to interview for assistant in charge roles (either because they don't apply for them or they don't get short listed) so I can take a lot of pride in getting as far as I did. ;_______________;

But yes, some of the questions were really... Specific? I'm used to kinda generic plug-and-play interviews, but this one had specific questions about L3. Like "We have a lot of older established team members who've been here for decades and some newer members of staff, how would you encourage them to work together" and I'm there like "Mate, this is about the fact that you have fucking factions in this library, isn't it? Because you totally fucking have factions in this library who HATE EACH OTHER and one of them will gossip very loudly and angrily in front of the customers and protip the first thing I would do is nip that shit in the bud." But I was really bad at treating this as a hypothetical and they could apparently see me trying to be circumspect about the backbiting and infighting I'd seen here, so they had to specifically go "It's okay, Susan, everything you say here is confidential" before I could relax and actually answer the question.

Actually, no, ON THE UPSIDE: the backbiting and infighting is not my problem! FUCKING MARVELLOUS! \o/
spindizzy: Alice in chibi mode looking really confused, with the text "curiouser and curiouser" above her. (Wait what)
  • I didn't get the job I interviewed for on Monday, WHICH IS FINE. I can always apply for other things! It will be fine! It was good interview experience! I have another one on Thursday for the job I'm not sure I want (managing a bunch of backbiters SUPER FAR AWAY, but also the shift pattern is SO GOOD), so we'll see how that goes. Either way, I'm probably going to have to actually officially start job hunting come the new year, because I spoke to my manager and a) she doesn't know if contracts are going to be renewed next year, and b) even they are, they're only being renewed till June to see who wins the election and how that affects our budgets. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I was SO GOOD and didn't pointedly mention to the two confirmed Brexit voters (one of whom was the manager in question) that if they hadn't voted Brexit maybe we'd all be more likely to keep our fucking jobs. (... Mainly because I think I'm the only one at the library who has NO permanent hours so I'm the main one this affects. Or at least I'm the only one with "(Temp)" after my name on the timetable.)

  • I got my ears pierced yesterday! I meant to do it on Monday after my job interview, but the place I was going to go is apparently closed on Mondays. Ended up going to a place in town that [twitter.com profile] captainraz likes, but when I told her that they used a piercing gun not needles (IDK) she was really disappointed in them. IT IS FINE, I was in for maybe five minutes, and now I have bits of metal in my ear that I keep wanting to poke! And I have to clean them with a saline solution twice a day instead of doing that, gaaaaaaah. But, on the plus side, I have dived FACE FIRST into Etsy and there are so many cute things. Current plans:
    1. Acquire an N7 hoodie and a pair of earrings with the Paragon and Renegade symbols on, become the Commander Shepard I want to see in the world.

    2. Acquire enough earrings that I can wear a different pair every day for a month with no hesitation or repetition. #earringpocalypse (Thank you [twitter.com profile] splend!)

    3. Avengers Academy is on a break from events and this is SO GREAT, I am actually enjoying playing it for the first time since... Halloween? Maybe? And I have finally got a chance to get the Hulk! (... But seriously, where did all of this "Every male character except Union Jack wants to date either Black Widow or Wasp, no exceptions" thing come from and can it go back into its hole now?)

    4. I'm sure there was something I wanted to chat about but I can't remember what it is. I have an exam on Tuesday that I've not practiced for enough? ... Did I tell you all that I'm studying sign language? Um, if not... Hi! I'm studying sign language! I'm really bad at it because I can't take notes! I have an exam tomorrow and it's LITERALLY a two minute conversation, but I am TERRIFIED. I will hopefully be fine! Maybe! I am confident in my ability to make most of the signs I need, but I am not as confident in my ability to read all the signs I need, if that makes sense? Like how I can fingerspell fine, but reading fingerspelling is my greatest fucking weakness.
    spindizzy: (I am so done with your shit)
    I don't know if I mentioned this, but I have a job interview tomorrow for an academic library, and I am a goddamn nervous wreck. I really want this job, I think this'll be a good use of my skills and it looks like it will probably fit in with my schedule at my OTHER job! But also I haven't had a job interview in over a year and I am an anxious disorganised wreck.

    I am trying to remember that IT IS FINE and even if I don't get it, I've not LOST anything, but I'm pretty sure that this job interview I've got the week after for the job I'm not sure I want is giving me anxiety reverbs about THIS job interview.

    spindizzy: Alice in chibi mode looking really confused, with the text "curiouser and curiouser" above her. (Curiouser and curiouser)
    Semi-regular customer comes in wearing a big fuzzy grey hat with a cat face on it.
    Me: I like your hat!
    Him: Don't call him a hat, he doesn't like it!
    Me: *laughs*
    Him: He's not a hat, he's an alien brain parasite called Wilbert Grim.
    spindizzy: I feel like I spent the whole day fighting guys in rubber suits! D: (I feel like I've fought fake aliens)
    1. RIGHT, OKAY, I AM HERE. It feels like I haven't been because it's been a while since, y'know, posted content worth a damn? But here I am! For some reason, everything has felt off-kilter since like the start of February? But I've not been able to put a finger on why. POSSIBLY my anxiety has decided that shutting my brain down when deadlines happen has gone back to being a solid play? I dunno, I'm just... Trying to fix it.

      (I've been describing the plan to fix it as "Operation: Get out of the tree" in my head, because of a description Rachael Aaron gave of the three-act structure.)

      Act one: put your characters in a tree.
      Act two: light the tree on fire.
      Act three: get your characters out of the tree.

    2. Step one of trying to trying to fix it is going to be "going to bed by 1am. You laugh but it's true! MAYBE a little more sleep will help with concentration problems! Even if it doesn't, it will meant that the insomniac in my household stops casting shade at me for how little I sleep!

    3. I don't have a step two yet. Step two might be "try to eat at regular intervals" (which is difficult with shift work but not impossible), or it might be "hang out with people in a more focused way," or it might just be "post more about your ~feelings~ rather than shitposting on twitter!" Am going to attempt all of the above? I have star stickers and am not above giving myself stickers for being a functional adult. ... Shut up that does too make sense.

    4. Am considering going back to handwriting a ton of stuff before I post it, which is time-consuming but gives me a chance to think and makes it quicker when I'm actually at the computer? I dunno though.

    5. I WAS A GODDAMN ADULT ON SATURDAY! There was a spider in the shower and I glassed that fucker to the outside like a MOTHERFUCKING BOSS! I am so proud of myself, that was a fucking VICTORY OVER MY CRIPPLING ARACHNOPHOBIA, ALL HAIL TO ME.

      ... I also decided to maybe cut "self-harm" from my list of coping strategies, but that? That's harder to explain being proud of. CW: Self-harm )

    spindizzy: Kyoko lying on the floor looking sad. (Nuuuu)
    Discovered that after Demoulding Day and five full days of work this week, I'm also working six days next week. Fucking excellent. January's paycheque is going to be pretty decent.

    ... *bursts into tears*
    spindizzy: A picture of Deadpool in mask and tuxedo, shrugging. (What can I say?)
    But one lady LITERALLY just came to bring her foetus to the bounce & rhyme/storytime thing today. She was pregnant and had no other kids, just... Brought the bump.

    BY THE WAY, last night while I was cleaning I found a list of songs for a bounce & rhyme session (it's a session parents can bring there kids to, where they get to sing songs together; at the library I'm at they merge it with storytime) I got into work today and one of my colleagues told me that she really really didn't want to do story time today (she likes to read stories to kids rather than sing, which she feels is scuppered by the fact that most of the kids are less than a year old) and she was pretty sure that we could just swap jobs this afternoon and it'd be fiiiiiiine! And I'm like "Well, thanks for the zero notice but I guess it's better to rip the plaster off and get it over with????"

    And then I spent most of the day fretting and I THINK it went okay, but I am SO GLAD that I had 100,000+ word Losers fanfic to take my mind off it. Even if the rest of the fic I rest after that was... Not to my taste. (I'm not 100% sure that the 100k fic I read was to my taste either, but I couldn't put it down. Ugh.)

    ... Then I was irrationally upset because I wanted one specific type of soup and Lex got me a different type of soup and there's nothing I can really say about it that isn't "Thank you for buying it but I don't like that type of soup" that doesn't make my sound crazy and irrational, even though that's how I feel. I think the problem was just that I hadn't eaten, so my feelings were/are out of whack, but me and food are on weird enough terms that I would rather not eat than have food I don't like. But also I'm at the stage where whatever food I look at I sort of go "No I don't want that" and I don't know if I'm going to have time for lunch tomorrow because TWO SHIFTS IN DIFFERENT LIBRARIES FUCKING YAY, so I'm going to have to have SOMETHING. Ugh.

    TL;DR today I read sang songs with toddlers and at least one actual foetus (inside its mother) and was distressed over soup, fuck today.


    spindizzy: (Default)


    Hi! I'm Susan, I write for [community profile] ladybusiness, and I'm currently trying to post at least 100 words of fic every day.

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