STAY AWAY FROM THE WOODS

[spindizzy]

splend and I are BACK ON OUR BULLSHIT despite being in different countries! \o/ The Quarry was 75% off over xmas, we both theoretically have laptops that can run it, let's go gamers.

Gotta say, I find the multiplayer REALLY WEIRD on this one. I was expecting it to be like The Dark Pictures Anthology, where everyone picks some characters and we just switch control as the story progresses. Instead, it's one person gets to play, and everyone else only gets to vote on decisions. Which is weird. Especially as QTEs seem to be votes as well. (Sorry Laura for the whacks to the head you took before we figured that out.) Like, I'm okay with it! It means that we have time to argue discuss our decisions, which is always good. It's just feels like a weird step backwards.

Anyway, spoilers through the prologue! tl;dr shockingly the game based on summer camp horror movies has literally no characters that make good decisions, news at ten. And I'm kinda looking at the characters going "rionaleonhart ships SOME OF YOU, it's going to be the messiest disaster pair, and I'm so excited to read the fic."

• The dorky aesthetics of the tutorial videos is pretty cute! But what do you mean there's a "Don't breathe" tutorial?! WHY IS THAT BACK.


• I appreciate that we're setting the int level of these characters from the beginning, because they think driving around the woods at literally midnight without stopping to look at the map is fine. ._.


• Max: Why'd you kill the music?
  Laura: I think you know why. Begins with an L. The l word.
  splend: Lesbians?
  Max: Lesbians?


• Max seems very nice. He is going to die horribly.


• Max is so baffled by Laura having and using a paper map.


• MAX LOOK AT THE ROAD OH GOD


• They swerved off the road and I SWEAR THERE WAS SOMEONE IN THE BACKSEAT WHO WASN'T THERE A MINUTE AGO! I SWEAR!


• "Maybe it looks worse than it is?" I mean. You're in a horror game. Your odds are high that it's irreparable and you'll need to head to the big castle on the hill and hope for a satanic mechanic.


• Awww, he got rejected from university! D: Also do I respect him for not hiding that letter? Because I would not leave that hanging out of my bag.


• Max asks Laura to help by shining a light on where he's working, and her immediate response is to pretend to do that while backing off towards the woods. Seriously? Seriously?


• Laura, have you considered that wandering off into the woods alone is how you get murdered? Because that's how you get murdered.


• I'm sure that the circus/freak show stuff lying around in the woods is fine. Like that giant cage labelled "Silas the dog boy!" while there's a random old lady wandering around calling for Silas. That's fine.


• (Why is there a poster hung up in the middle of the woods?! Was it there as an explanation for "Why are there all of these people in the woods?" or something? It can't be advertising when it's that far from the road.)


• This game is seriously improved by ignoring the recommended settings for brightness and just cranking it up, because I can't see a damn thing in here.


• If Laura hasn't been visibly whacked in the face a few times, does Max act less like he thinks she's had a head injury?


• "I am trying to get us out of here!" says girl who has done LITERALLY NOTHING to get them out of here.


• OFFICER PLEASE MAKE SOME GODDAMN NOISE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU


• MAYBE BLINK OCCASIONALLY. OR TAKE A STEP BACK? MAYBE BOTH?


• Sir. Sir is that blood on your neck?


• SIR CAN WE PLEASE HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THE BLOOD SPLATTER ON YOUR NECK MAYBE????


• We did not lie to the cop despite both being fairly suspicious of him. He knows we swerved off the road, he presumably found the massive hole in the fence where we crashed through! And if we did hit something, he will also have seen whatever it was at the top of the road, so we probably shouldn't lie about that either. And we didn't get shot, so maybe??? That was the right choice???


• Do you ever look at authority figures and go "If you gave people even a hint of an explanation you would have a way easier time"? Because I get that he probably can't give the real explanation of "Something in this woods is going to FUCKING EAT YOU LAURA" but "It's not safe to drive to the camp right now" rather than dictating You Will Do This Because I Say So might work better. Just saying.


• "You're not gonna make it to Hackett's Quarry, not tonight," THAT IS SO FUCKING THREATENING OKAY, YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?


• I too would be suspicious of somewhere called Harbinger Motel to be fair.


• What is that scare chord over him licking a pencil.


• Me, looking at a middle-aged man tenderly wiping dirt off a young woman who is pretty convinced he's a serial killer: Is this rionaleonhart's ship? Could this be them?


• FINALLY SOMEONE REACTS TO THE BLOOD ON HIS NECK. THIS IS THE MOST REALISTIC REACTION ANY OF THEM HAVE HAD TO ANYTHING.


• "You really wanna listen to the advice of some creep-ass cop who told us in the middle of the creep-ass woods to go to some creep-ass hotel?"
  "No, that sounds terrible."
  Okay I can't argue with that logic.


• "I mean I'm kinda into ma'ams," sir please stop flirting with your girlfriend in the murder woods.


• I was genuinely expecting this guy to be like "Nope, I don't trust you muppets, time for a police escort to the motel," but no! Clearly in the non-existent curator's cut of this game, that was him getting a "path chosen" notification and going "... Dammit."


• "Did you actually talk to Mr Hackett or did you just leave a message?"
  "What's the difference?"
  LAURA OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!


• I KNOW YOU'RE FROM THE GENERATION THAT DOESN'T BELIEVE IN PHONECALLS BUT COME ON YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT NO RESPONSE IS NOT THE SAME AS AGREEING


• "Don't be a dick," says girl who stranded them both in the middle of the creep-ass woods, inarguably the most dickish thing either of them have done.


• splend and I did genuinely sit there going "Oh boy, I hope it's not [problem from previous Supermassive game]" for a solid minute. There are too many problems, okay!


• "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" on a camp sign is basically saying "Your kid is going to need their tetanus shot and we are not OSHA compliant."


• Laura why are you looking at the creepy basement. That's where the nightmares live, don't go in there!


• Please could everyone stop putting their eyes right up to the crack in the door. That is 100% how you get stabbed in the eye.


• Uhhhhhh guys? Maybe you should stop and think before just breaking into someone's basement. I appreciate that's not an option so it never even occured to Laura to not break into someone's basement, but come onnnnnnnnn. There's a whole world of options between "Walking away and leaving them there" and "Breaking into the goddamn basement." ... Admittedly very few of them end with someone locked in the basement from the outside. BUT STILL.


• We took the hammer on the grounds of "That's going to be a better weapon" and then Laura IMMEDIATELY DROPS IT AS SOON AS SHE'S IN THE BASEMENT. LAURA.


• Max: You've seen Evil Dead, right?
  splend: *starts laughing because Ted Raimi was in Evil Dead*


• Max is just... So done with this. The most done. "Do you exist?" and sitting on the stairs like "I am going to indulge my girlfriend exactly as far as breaking and entering and no further."


• Who wouldn't call a dog Ian. Ian sounds like a great name for a dog, I love it when animals have people names. ... But listen, that collar looks too practical to be a kink thing, okay. Like. I'm not going to rule it out, especially because the blood, but also who has a white neoprene collar as a kink thing.


• LAURA PLEASE MAYBE REACT A LITTLE MORE TO THE LARGE RACK OF MURDER RIBS.


• Creatures of unusual size? I don't believe they exist. *YEET*


• RIP Max, I don't fancy your chances considering your arm is now just a pile of gore.


• ... I say that, we did try to rescue Max! He got dragged off into the dark anyway, but Laura at least gets to feel like she tried to help!


• WHY DID YOU JUST HAVE A SYRINGE READY TO GO FOR YOUR SNEAKING UP ON TRAUMATISED TEENAGERS MY DUDE


• WHAT IS EVEN YOUR LIFE


• Oh shit, did he shoot Max? Like, the angle looks like maybe he was shooting at whatever was munching on Max, but he could have just mercy killed him instead. ... RIP Max.


• "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE GODDAMN HARBINGER MOTEL TO YOU?!"


• ... Why is he blues and twosing it in the middle of the woods, but also... RIP Max and Laura, we're probably not going to see you muppets again.


• SILAS LADY! I ASSUME! I have no idea who you are. But her irises are different sizes – do we think one of them's a glass eye? Or is she a victim of Supermassive Games' pudding faces?


• "It's exciting! And terrifying!" She does genuinely sound excited to be here, huh.


• (I watched a Let's Play to check some of the wording, and the person didn't find any cards, so there's a bit where she's like "We're supposed to be friends! You said so yourself!" Who is the viewpoint character here?! This was an extremely significant piece of information in Until Dawn, and played completely straight in The Dark Pictures Anthology, so hmmmmm.)


• I'm sure those random people setting themselves on fire is fine. It's fine!

Comments

[rionaleonhart]

And I'm kinda looking at the characters going "rionaleonhart ships SOME OF YOU, it's going to be the messiest disaster pair, and I'm so excited to read the fic."

I snorted in delight at this. Yesssss.

Me, looking at a middle-aged man tenderly wiping dirt off a young woman who is pretty convinced he's a serial killer: Is this rionaleonhart's ship? Could this be them?

At this point I started laughing aloud at my computer screen. I admit nothing!

I'm also cracking up at your reactions to the World's Creepiest Police Officer. He's so unsettling! Why is he like this??

Clearly in the non-existent curator's cut of this game, that was him getting a "path chosen" notification and going "... Dammit."

Ha, this is great.

"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" on a camp sign is basically saying "Your kid is going to need their tetanus shot and we are not OSHA compliant."

Somehow it never occurred to me to question this, but, now that you mention it, that is a really weird camp slogan.

I'm absolutely loving your reactions to this game; I'd love to hear more of your thoughts as you keep playing!