spindizzy: (*blinding realisation*)
[personal profile] spindizzy
I didn't live tweet this one because honestly I only got around to buying a copy of this when I started doing this watchalong with Sam. Sam tweeted it here and he's Very Disappointed.

  • I have very few memories of this place, so it's going to be fun for me too!

  • WAIT WHAT, THIS IS NOT THE CANON THAT WE KNOW! THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT CANON, COME ON.

  • Seriously this film is the basis for my theory that the Resident Evil movies happen in all different timelines. This is COMPLETELY UNMENTIONED CONTINUITY, okay?! At the very least, it completely negates Resident Evil 2! Come on, what the hell, who wrote this.
  • GILLIGAN CUT: The entirety of Washington DC is a burning husk, and Wesker has betrayed everyone, because OF COURSE IT IS AND OF COURSE HE HAS

  • SERIOUSLY HOW DID YOU GO FULL SCAVENGER AGAIN THIS QUICKLY.

  • Me: The effects look better this time!
    Sam: That's because that's a guy in a suit. A very effective suit.

  • WHY IS THERE GIANT FLYING DEMON ZOMBIES SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN.

  • SILENT HILL IS COMING.

  • Like, if this had been continuity off the first one, or off the third one, and we actually found out some of the information from inside it, I would be less confused! But literally they just jossed half their timeline here!

  • The humans are dead~! The humans are deeeeeead~!

  • THIS IS WHY I'M CONVINCED ALICE HAS SURVIVOR GUILT, BECAUSE SHE IS LITERALLY THE ONLY CHARACTER WHO IS STILL HERE FROM THE FIRST MOVIE.

  • I feel like this is shot differently from the previous movies, on a literal storyboarding level, I'm not sure in what way, but it definitely feels different.

  • "I want you to stop me. Behind you."

  • ... Literally they could have fixed this entire plan by saying "This is the White Queen, and one of the business partners was the guy from the second movie, who worked with Dr Marcus, they bonded over their daughters' degenerative conditions and trying to cure them. It would have solved a lot! Plus, it wouldn't have ruined their own damn continuity!

  • Red Queen: He pretended to give you your powers back —
    Sam: *facepalming*

  • THAT MOTORBIKE WAS BLATANTLY A TRAP ALICE, COME ON.

  • "A clone. I killed your clone."

  • Why are there so many heads in a box?! Apparently they're Alice heads, according to Sam who is better at recognising faces from models than I am.

  • The creepy chanting is actually pretty effective.

  • Iain Glenn found religion since we last saw him, that's interesting.

  • Also, WHY ARE YOU BAITING ZOMBIES, THAT IS A TERRIBLE PLAN WHEN YOUR SAFETY DEPENDS ENTIRELY ON YOUR SPEED.

  • Fuck Wesker. Especially because he's apparently an assassin now.

  • Of course they have machine guns. Of course.

  • Yeah, cutting his hand off was a solid solution to this problem, good work Alice.

  • Sam: You fool! Explosions only make her stronger!

  • I do like the way that they have the Red Queen actually interacting with the furniture around her. It's a nice touch!

  • Woooow that's a crater and a half.

  • Oh hey look, an actual survivor from the previous movies! WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER, I WANT YOU BOTH TO HAVE ANTICS. COME ON.

  • TAKE YOUR TOXIC MASCULINITY AND GO.

  • Oh hey, Claire has a love interest! I hope he's not the inevitable traitor.

  • I like this tower full of people. Even if they DO have the American flag painted on stuff.

  • RUBY ROSE, YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING, I LOVE YOU. AND YOUR CONSISTENT CASTING AS A SOFT BUTCH TECH EXPERT.

  • That is so many zombies. So many.

  • Of COURSE he shoots the survivor three feet from safety.

  • I'll be honest, convoluted traps and jury-rigged weaponry in a seige situation IS MY JAM.

  • Do they have a ten year old trying to beat a zombie to death with a pipe?

  • Look, it's either Claire or Alice who is unintentionally the spy, or it's Doc who's deliberately the spy.

  • Me, watching the WATERFALL OF FIRE cascade down the building: Like fiiiiiiiiiire~! Hellfiiiiiiiiiiire~!

  • Seriously, it's pretty much that scene from The Hunchback of Nostre Dame and I am HERE FOR IT.

  • Alice, using that guy is bait is cruel.

  • Those two nameless dudes volunteering are BLATANTLY just there to die first to establish that it's dangerous. Bless their tiny little hearts.

  • *Red Queen voice* They're all going to die down here.

  • UGH, Wesker, how dare you be like "Aha, I will have them killed personally."

  • I like the glitchy effects on the Red Queen!

  • Aliiiiiiice, you had amnesia, but you said you'd gotten better from that!

  • I GUESS THAT'S TECHNICALLY FORESHADOWING. I GUESS.

  • SURE IS A GOOD THING THAT DOGS CAN'T FUCKING SWIM.

  • I have seen enough Fallout games to know that every single one of them is irradiated now.

  • I'm literally not sure who just got dead, but I Think it's the two nameless dudes.

  • Yeah, you SHOULD be scared of whatever's repelling the zombie dogs. You really should.

  • Seriously, I literally can't tell who is alive from the colony and who isn't, because they took three or four generic white dudes with them and I have NO IDEA WHICH ONES GOT ET.

  • Me watching Dr Isaacs presentation about murdering literally everyone: Alright, Thanos, fuck off.

  • THE BIBLE IS NOT A FUCKING DOCUMENTARY, ALSO LITERALLY WHO IS GOING TO BE YOUR WORK FORCE. YOU NEVER MASTERED ENSLAVING ZOMBIES TO BE YOUR SERVANTS EVEN AFTER DEATH.

  • Man, that scene was foreshadowing as well and I just didn't notice the first time around.

  • Dr Isaacs: *very calmly stabs a man twelve times in the chest for daring to say no*

  • I like this Red Queen, she is very like the White Queen. And I'm pretty sure that what she's saying that the only person she doesn't murder is the traitor.

  • Hi, uh, Ms Red Queen? You say that your orders include "not hurting Umbrella employees," and "preserving human life." WHERE WAS THAT IN THE FIRST MOVIE?!

  • If this machine is sucking all of the air out of the room, shouldn't they have passed out by now?

  • RUBY ROSE DESERVED BETTER, HOW DARE YOU.

  • SURE HOPE THERE ARE NO LASERS IN THIS NARROW TUNNEL WHERE NONE OF YOU CAN ESCAPE.

  • ... WHY DO THEY HAVE A BOTTOMLESS MURDER PIT UNDER THEIR AIR VENTS ANYWAY?!

  • Okay, I admit it, I was wrong, it was not lasers. But also we did burst out laughing when the OTHER doors tipped people into slides.

  • I think what's going on here is that someone making these movies actually played a Resident Evil game and went "OH, oh we've been FAR TOO SENSIBLE about how people were getting around in here! We needed at least three puzzles and two death traps per corridor, sorry guys!

  • LOOK, IT DIDN'T TRY TO KILL DOC, HE HAS TO BE THE TRAITOR.

  • Me looking at Claire in a blood-soaked cage: I hope that's not Chris' blood.

  • OH, IT IS a laser room! I was genuinely starting to worry that there were insufficient people in boxes and laser grids.

  • Look, that timer isn't "The timer to the murderers getting to the last of humanity," that's "The timer to the murderers FUCKING FINISHING THE JOB" you really need to get a fucking shift on!

  • ADDITIONAL FUCKING CLONES, who in the name of fuck is the original here.

  • ... Is Father Isaacs using HIMSELF as bait?! Bold move.

  • CLAIRE NO THAT IS BAD FOR YOUR FOOT.

  • Was that Wesker creeping there?!

  • I do like that predictive combat thing, that is very appealling to me. Sam has been making Detroit Become Human jokes ("Come to Jericho – I mean Arcadia!"), but that was what got him the most.

  • Called iiiiiiiiiit! "Claire would be so disappointed.

  • "The trinity of bitches, united in their hatred." Mate, I have been in friendship groups where being a trinity of bitches is how you get shit done.

  • "Albert Wesker. You're fired." *SQUELCH* I love that team up between Alicia and the Red Queen. GOOD WORK LADIES.

  • "You don't need help Wesker. You're dying. Just get on with it."

  • "Doctor Isaacs. You and Umbrella High Command. You're all going to die down here." YES, CORRECT USE OF THAT LINE.

  • THERE WE GO, THERE'S THE LASER GRID.

  • Me: I thought she was gonna stab him in the dick then.
    Sam: Dick, femoral artery, they're all the same really.

  • Oooooof, that's possibly the first permanent injury Alice has taken.

  • OH, it was a sacrifice play! Sacrifice three fingers to grenade Iain Glenn!

  • "Alice! I brought them here! I brought them for you!" FATHER ISAACS YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

  • "I'm you, you idiot."

  • Iain Glenn is having SO MUCH FUN being a cult leader and murdering himself.

  • THE ONE THING I COULDN'T HAVE PREDICTED: MYSELFFFFFFFFF!

  • Alicia dying while watching her childhood memories is kinda effective.

  • Goodbye Alice!

  • WHY ARE THERE GIANT FLYING DEMON ZOMBIES, NO ONE EVER EXPLAINED THIS.

  • ... And did she ever regrow those fingers. That's what I want to know.

  • BASICALLY, Sam is spitting feathers because WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS MOVIE, I'm laughing my arse off because I'm having fun, and everything is Very Silly. It could have been fixed with maybe five lines of dialogue! That's all it would take! But no, no, we've got This Nonsense.