Reaction Shot: Resident Evil: Retribution (Or, the one with ADDITIONAL CLONES)

[spindizzy]

My livetweet: here! Sam's livetweet: here!

• Look, I'm just very excited for Sam, a film maker, to watch the intro to RE5.


• Me: I can't tell if [the slow-mo rewinding intro] is interesting or silly.
  Sam: It's both! It's definitely both!


• And now we've rewound back to the exact last few seconds on the previous film!


• Sam's verdict was that it's not bad, which is nice! I'm glad. He thought that the exposition directly afterwards undercut it, and showing it normal speed immediately after was maybe not the greatest, but he's okay with that bit.


• This is a more detailed flashback than we usually get! Filling time, or "We have to remind you who all of these characters are for when they show up!"


• ... I'm still not sure that this is how viruses work.


• Oded Fehr looks better with stubble and if you disagree you can fight me.


• Man, look at the nice normal life Alice COULD HAVE HAD. It's cute! She has a cute family!


• Man it's a good thing that American houses are made of plasterboard and prayer, because otherwise they'd be trapped in there forever.


• I like how you can tell that Rain is not Rain, because her car is cute and has leaves all over it and a bike on the back! That's a really nice character touch!


• Sam is calling it now that this is a simulation run by Umbrella for Alice related reasons... Or a dumb dream sequence!


• ODED FEHR NO.


• I like this bit! It worked! It was sad!


• I like Becky, and the fact that her parents are signing to her even though they're not the best at it.


• Oh hey, the tentacles still don't look great, but they don't look as bad as RE4!


• Ah yes, the obligatory "Milla Jovovich is naked" scene! ... Which RE4 didn't have! Whaaaaaaaat I thought Milla Jovovich ALWAYS had to be naked an in a box!


• WHY IS THERE A DRAW OF LEATHER FETISH ARMOUR, WHY.


• The most unbelievable part of this movie is that the film expects me to believe she got into that outfit in exactly one minute and ten seconds.


• WHY IS THERE A LASER GRID!


• I'm pretty sure that Japanese police do not have guns though. Or the ones that do, have them attached to them so that they CAN'T BE STOLEN.


• Two movies ago the oceans were drying up, but now Umbrella has enough water that they can straight up just FAKE RAIN EVERYWHERE?!


• Buildings: *just open up like yep, sure, standard*


• I did like that fight scene, it was better than any of the ones in RE4.


• Why are the desks all underground? Is for security purposes.


• Me: ~The humans are dead! The humans are deeeeead~!


• Ada Wong is BEAUTIFUL okay, and I love her.


• I swear that Wesker died like ten minutes ago in universe. I swear.


• He does look like a CGI pudding, seriously.


• And we're back to "UMBRELLA WHY IS YOUR MAIN INCOME FROM VIRAL WEAPONRY, RELEASE YOUR TAX RETURNS."


• Sam is SO MAD about Umbrella Corp's plan to sell the virus to literally everyone. SO MAD. Like "ARE YOU GOING TO LIVE ON MARS?!" levels of mad.


• LUTHER! Hi! How did you get mixed up in all of that mess?!


• If it's a secret facility, why is the Umbrella logo on it?!


• WHO REINSTALLED THE RED QUEEN. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS.


• Sam: SUSAN, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?


• Apparently Barry is a character from the games, which I'm just like "?????" about.


• WHY ARE THERE TWO AXEMEN, THAT IS JUST CHEATING.


• I'd like it noted that Ada Wong does everything Alice does but backwards and in heels.


• Las Plagas doesn't sound very Russian, okay.


• ... AND YET THEY ARE UNDEAD RUSSIAN CLOWN ZOMBIES


• Imagine it being your job to make sure the zombies are all dead and the scenario is reset. That must be SUCH a pain in the arse.


• Ada: Where are they?
  Sam: Moscow.


• What I don't understand is how there isn't more repetition in the extras if there are only fifty basic models. Also, why would you clone all of these people if they're die-hard anti-Umbrellas.


• Alice's face when Becky hugs her, bless her. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR OTHER DAUGHTERS, ALICE, YOU'VE HAD TWO SO FAR. WHERE ARE THEY.


• "All heart. You haven't changed a bit."


• You can tell which characters are going to die because they're wearing full face masks.


• Sam: I'm sure your super-healing will take care of that, you seem to have kept all your OTHER superpowers!
  Me: *dying*


• "Where are we, and why is everything in Russian? And what's with the S&M get up?" Man, sometimes normal person trying to understand the fuck is going on can be a pile of cringe, but this works for me.


• Rain: I campaigned for gun control. I marched against the NRA!
  I LOVE YOU BEST RAIN.


• Alice: Congratulations, you're officially a badass.
  Me: *squeaks happily*


• I like that it's canon that all versions of Alice know ASL.


• "I met your sister, she's not very nice." DYING.


• Sam: That is CERTAINLY a creature. That is not something you'd want to bump into.
  Alice: *runs it over*
  Sam: ... Except in a car.


• Man, you know you're bad at your jobs when Alice has to remind you to ACTUALLY SHOOT THE ZOMBIES TRYING TO KILL YOU.


• Sam: That's a very sweet ride, it's fucking indestructible.


• Sam is so unimpressed by literally every part of this movie and I am just cackling with glee.


• Alice is the most mum friend.


• Rain: Where'd you find these guys? *BLATANTLY CHECKING OUT EVERY SINGLE SINGLE GUY THERE*


• Luther: Your mom? *confused but admiring*


• Luther: *casually lifting Michelle Rodriguez with one arm*


• ... Seriously, how long was Alice OUT?!


• The Russian guys have a low rate of survival in this franchise.


• Sam is so disappointed every time the Red Queen speaks, because apparently it's more sinister when you DON'T know what's coming.


• Rain nooooooo, I liked you! I wanted your panicked romance with suburban mother!


• Sam, watching Leon and Alice have the obligatory argument about going after Becky: Do you want to try another take?
  Me: This time with at least one of you emoting?


• Sam has been making comparisons with Aliens re: Alice and Becky bonding so quickly, but it wasn't until Becky is found in a LITERAL GOO POD ATTACHED TO A WALL that I really appreciated what he meant.


• Sam: Why is she trapped in a pair of testicles?


• Oh yeah, Alice got shot LITERALLY HALF A MOVIE AGO but sure, yeah, that's only barely relevant now.


• What is it with this franchise and elevators, is it just that someone on the creative team is REALLY SCARED OF ELEVATORS?


• ... I forgot about the submarines! I literally completely forgot!


• BYE ODED FEHR YOU WERE NOT MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER IN THIS ONE.


• Does Las Plagas mean something to literally anyone?! Is it a game thing?!


• RAIN NO STOP THAT.


• Ah yes, ice axes, the weapons of your people.


• RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN.


• Tonks: Never throw your weapon unless you're sure it's going to work!


• YOU KNOW THAT THE SPIDER IS THE CONTROL THING, YOU KNOW IT FROM THE LAST MOVIE, JUST TAKE IT OFF HER. JUST DO THAT.


• I love Rain, I love her so much. She is so beautiful and full of murder. But also no, stop that, that's silly.


• IT'S A GOOD THING THAT THEY LEFT THE BABY IN THE CAR.


• HOW DID THEY ACTIVATE THE TRACKS REMOTELY? Was it the Red Queen? If she had control of the vehicle remotely, why did she let them get so far away?


• LUTHER NO!


• LUTHER DESERVED BETTER.


• Oh come on, how did Alice's heart not stop there too?


• RAIN IS SO PRETTY AND HAPPY TO BE FULL OF MURDER.


• Literally that is the number of zombies I think it would take to keep Michelle Rodriguez down. Any less than that and I wouldn't be able to suspend my disbelief.


• Sam and I ended up having a huge talk about why Alice bonds so quickly with daughter figures and I'm convinced that it's literally her survivor guilt manifesting in the form of "You, small human, I will keep you alive, because that will atone for my continued existence and monsterhood. That's how this works."


• That is EXACTLY the face that I would make if SOME DUDE put his hand on hand on my bare thigh.


• HOW ARE THERE THIS MANY PEOPLE!? I THOUGHT Y'ALL WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!


• Sam: Is Wesker the President. Is Wesker the FUCKING PRESIDENT. WHAT. WHAT.


• WHY IS THE RED QUEEN TRYING TO DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE. WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT. WHAT. WHY. SINCE WHEN?!


• Why are there flying zombie demons?! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!


• I am looking forwards to Sam's reaction to the next one, because he's mad but also having fun being mad, which is the best of combos.