Going back to work? In this apocalypse?

[spindizzy]

• Okay, my summer holiday ends in about a week, and work have already emailed me about the on-boarding process and whether or not I want to come back early to help set up the library for re-opening. And I'm trying not to wig out about it, because people have been working through the pandemic, but also: it doesn't sound like we're opening for click and collect like I thought we were, it sounds like we're opening for students to come back into the building. (They want people to help halve the seating and put up signage, which sounds like people in the building! And the seating is a tiny bit funny, because the students have spent two years going "We need more spaces to work in!" and management have crammed chairs into any space that will hold them, and now!) I'm making very rough safety plans and writing down all of the questions I want to ask my manager! I appreciate that a voice that sounds suspiciously like the counsellor I had is going "Anxiety is a fear of uncertainty and what you're doing is trying to create certainty instead of letting yourself get used to uncertainty," but also: we are in a pandemic and my so-far flawless strategy of "Don't go outside cos you don't wanna die" is being interrupted, I'll take what I can get.


• I keep thinking that I should feel bad because this time last year, I had a couple of months worth of posts and reviews ready to go! But I'm aggressively reminding myself that this time last year I was a) in the middle of a month of travelling, and b) I'd spent all of July in libraries and pubs and captainraz's house, where I had accountability buddies and a different environment to help me convince my brain that I could do things. We're in the middle of a pandemic, literally anything that I've managed to get done over basic survival + not catching/spreading disease is a bonus.


• (Man, I hope ratlicker catches on as a word, because I like it SO much better than covidiot.)


• Of course, because I'm potentially going back to work in a couple of weeks, my brain has gone BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES, IT'S TIME TO DO LITERALLY EVERYTHING THAT I WOULDN'T ALLOW US TO DO WHEN BEFORE THE DEADLINE STARTED FEELING REAL! Crochet project? Bring it. Research how to use a sewing machine to see if it's something that I'd want to pick up? Cool. Cram media into my face like someone's gonna take it away if I don't? Can't talk, video games are happening. Finally try to fix the accountability system captainraz and I have been trying to use with each other all summer? This meeting is called to order. Starting new projects? No, pick fewer battles than that, put some back.
  
  It's nice! But stressful! And has the weird feeling of being a student again going "I swear next time I'm not gonna cram everything at the last minute!" But I'm hoping that maybe once my days have external structure again, it will... Help? Maybe? Structure is good for me and I am not good at providing it for myself when I have the entire internet and the ability to read fanfic whenever I want. But we'll see!


• Real talk the thing I'm mostly looking forward to about going back to work is being able to sneakily print off patterns using my work credit. That's it.


• In unrelated news, the builders are coming around to F I N A L L Y fix our bathroom! For the first time in two years, our shower might not leak through the kitchen ceiling and the toilet seat might actually be attached! (That one isn't our fault, the people who had the house before us were muppets and managed to somehow attach the old one in such a way that whatever nuts/washers are in there have rusted solid.) Lex has booked us a hotel room for the first week of it, especally as they're gonna be taking chunks out of the walls at some point to put in... Some sort of ventilation to stop our house becoming more of a mould trap than it is. I'm a bit anxious about it, but eh, I'm a bit anxious about everything. The more annoying thing is going to be cleaning the bathroom enough that they can wreck it.


• My brain picks the weirdest tools to use as keys to let me do things, btw. Like, I got a bunch of tiny cross-stitch kits at the start of lockdown! Because idle hands + all of my tabletop games going online + having the ENTIRE INTERNET right there while people are talking = I have no idea what happened in this session but now we're fighting an army of bears, the ranger's missing an arm, and someone's getting married to a lich, COOL. And then I promptly put them to one side because ??? reasons ??? ... But I bought some new needle threaders to replace the five that have gone missing in the house somewhere, and MIRACULOUSLY I'm okay with trying cross stitch again! Because it turns out the only thing that was stopping me is threading needles being a pain in the arse! Same thing for my crochet projects, except that all I needed was to find some of my stitch markers! Why Am I Like This dot gif.


• But yes, I have no idea what's going on with my lists and shenaniganry right now, but I kinda have fun schemes and plans for the next couple of weeks! That's like a plan, right?


• (Disclaimer: it is not like a plan.)

Comments

[captainraz]

Why Am I Like This dot gif.

ADHD. The answer is always ADHD.

[spindizzy]

Incorrect. Sometimes it's anxiety.

[lokifan]

I appreciate that a voice that sounds suspiciously like the counsellor I had is going "Anxiety is a fear of uncertainty and what you're doing is trying to create certainty instead of letting yourself get used to uncertainty," but also: we are in a pandemic and my so-far flawless strategy of "Don't go outside cos you don't wanna die" is being interrupted, I'll take what I can get.

YEP. Coping mechanisms are mechanisms that help you cope!