Reaction Shot: Resident Evil Apocalypse (Or, HI ODED FEHR)

[spindizzy]

I think what gets me about this franchise is that it literally spans the entire zombie boom. If I remember right, it came out at the very start of the boom, and the last one came after zombies were just like "... Oh yeah, those, I guess?" So it's interesting to see where this intersects with the cultural memetics, I guess?

My initial twitter thread was here, and Sam's is here!

• SAM HAS NEVER SEEN ANY OF THE MOVIES PAST THIS POINT, I AM SO FULL OF JOY RIGHT NOW!


• Sam: Oh no, she's an Umbrella!


• LITERALLY THIS IS THE FIRST POINT WHERE SHE IS NAMED AS ALICE OUT LOUD, WTF.


• Ah, I see, Matt's an "environmentalist" now. I thought he was more of a anti-capitalist activist.


• SERIOUSLY DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO OPEN THE HIVE, YOU MUPPETS?!


• Zombies in a heat wave must REEK, oh no.


• LITERALLY WHY IS YOUR EVIL WEAPONS LAB *UNDER SUBURBIA*


• YOU GUYS ARE NOT WEARING ENOUGH BODY ARMOUR FOR THIS, THIS IS LITERALLY HOW YOU ALL DIE. CLOSE THE DOORS AND RUN AWAY.


• Ooooh, bad guys non-consensually moving a man's wheelchair. What dicks.


• THAT TANKER DIDN'T EVEN STOP, WHAT THE FUCK. YOU DICKHEAD, GET BACK HERE, YOU'VE JUST STARTED AN ENTIRE SUBPLOT AND CAUSED THE DEATHS OF LIKE TWELVE SEPERATE PEOPLE!


• Cue me and Sam discussing how reasonable it is for the driver to just be dead but still moving in a straight line.


• I do love Jill Valentine, she's so pretty and ready to murder. Which is a terrible set of criteria in a cop!


• Having one evacuation point in your city is the WORST FUCKING PLAN, especially with something that spreads quicker through a crowd! You want multiple points so you don't get rushed by panicked people!


• This movie predates youtube. What.


• Bless Oded Fehr and his cute Russian friends!


• We had really strong opinions about this bottleneck. Really strong ones.


• Yep, seal your own men into the city, of course. That's definitely not going to bite you in the arse.


• The deliberate filming of the zombies using jerky camera movement is sure a stylistic choice that I need Sam to have opinions about.


• Sam: They should just nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.
  Me: Oh my sweet summer child.


• I do like Ashford's accent, it's nice.


• Isn't that a thrift store?! WHY IS SELLING GUNS?!


• I like that it applies flashbacks for the important things when it's relevant, instead of just dumping them at the start.


• Somehow, despite this movie beind made in 2004, Alice's outfit is SUPER NINETIES.


• I'M SURE THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE CHURCH. EVERYTHING IS FINE.


• HI GENERIC UNNAMED WHITE DUDE WHO DIES TO PROVE THAT THE LICKERS ARE DANGEROUS.


• I love the way that Jill lights her lighter, it's so dramatic.


• Jill: Are you alright?
  Sam: No, I'm a zombie. One of those rare sitting down zombies.


• Don't you hate it when the final boss of the previous game becomes a standard monster in the next one?


• Licker: *drops a corpse*
  Me: It didn't even eat him!


• Sam is cackling about Alice's
  
• ... Did they literally just drop a cross on a zombie. Is that what they did.


• EVERY BULLET HAS THE UMBRELLA LOGO PRINTED ON IT, OF COURSE IT DOES, IT DID IN THE LAST MOVIE. DOES NO ONE IN THIS FRANCHISE USE NON-UMBRELLA GUNS.


• Sam: I want it noted that during that church scene with all the guns and everything, I did NOT make a "pew pew" joke!


• LJ: GTA MOTHERFUCKER!
  Sam: *dies laughing*


• Zombie strippers, because of COURSE there are zombie strippers.


• SIR. OLIVIERA. WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD WITH KNIVES AND HAVE SUCH A GOOD TEAM AND A PRETTY FACE. ALSO, ODED FEHR YOU ARE NOT LATINO???


• Oliviera: Requesting immediate evac!
  Sam: No. *hang up gesture*


• WHY ARE YOU IN A GRAVEYARD. THAT ISN'T SAFE. ALTHOUGH HOW DO YOU GET A VIRUS IF YOU'RE DEAD.


• Because OF COURSE the white ladies are going to argue about who is going to shoot the black guy, not giving him a say, and of course this is not actually going to go come up while he's still alive, because that's how horror movies roll.


• BACK TO BACK BADASSES! This means they're married now.


• HI MATT!


• DO! NOT! GO! INTO! EVIL! HOSPITALS! THAT'S LIKE RULE ONE!


• Oh boy cowboy. OH BOY.


• LJ: Shit, I was safer outside!


• LIKE YOU COULD JUST HAVE HOLED UP IN THERE AND NOT DIED? MAYBE PROTECTED SOME PEOPLE!


• In the battle between a sniper and a rocket launcher, I know who wins.


• LJ: *looks at Nemesis*
  Nemesis: *looks at LJ*
  LJ: ... Respect!


• THEY'RE STARS! THEY'RE ON YOUR SIDE! WHY ARE YOU KILLING THEM!


• Maaaaaan, remember when we had hope that public outcry could change things?


• Poor Peyton. Poor Jill.


• Nicholai and Oliviera are too cute.


• ... Why did Terri have to go downstairs to get to the first floor? That's not how American floor numbering works.


• ZOMBIE CHILDREN, BECAUSE OF COURSE ZOMBIE CHILDREN.


• Poor Angie, she's not having a good day.


• NICHOLAI IS SO CUTE AND SO DEAD, IT MAKES ME SAD.


• Angie deserves better than being retconned out of the continuity.


• We did drag the movie slightly for the "now Jill gets rescued by a dude" and "now Jill wields a frying pan."


• Sam: THAT'S NOT HOW FIRE BLANKETS WORK.


• Apparently the guy who plays Ashford is ALWAYS EVIL. Even when he's not the big bad, he's still not good!


• Oded Fehr understands what the plot is! Good.


• Wait, that's still Ser Jorah! Don't tell me that the first three movies HAD A PLAN?!


• Nemesis looks like the vampires in Priest!


• OH NO, shooting Angie's dad in front of her is just HARSH.


• FIGHT FOR MY AMUSEMENT. WE NEED TO PROVE THAT THE SUPERSOLDIER PROGRAM THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU PRETTY IS SUPERIOR TO THE ONE THAT DOES.


• WHERE DID HE PULL THOSE SWORDS FROM.


• Alice: *SURVIVOR GUILT ENGAGED*


• Evil scientist: FINISH HIM.
  Sam: Wrong franchise!


• I don't think she's even your science project, is she? I thought that Doctor Isaacs was hers?


• Oliviera: *FULL OF KNIVES*


• Those jeans are hanging on by a THREAD.


• Evil scientist: Why haven't we taken off?!
  LJ: Because I usually drive a cadillac.


• Oh shit, Ser Jorah is actually IN THIS MOVIE! I forgot about that! No, I take it back, they did not plan a goddamn thing.


• Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyy cover-up, go fuck yerselves.


• MILLA JOVOVICH IS NAKED AND IN A BOX, BECAUSE OF COURSE MILLA JOVOVICH IS NAKED IN A BOX, THAT IS EVERY MOVIE SHE'S IN.


• I don't think geometric is the word they're looking for, but it's the one they keep using.


• Of course Alice has superpowers now. OF COURSE.


• Alice gets amnesia in at least half the movies, doesn't she.


• Tonks: Sir, we're flashing back the entire movie!
  Sam: Sir we've lost control of the flashback machine!


• Alice: *took immunity to tasers at level up*


• I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY JUST ROCKED UP TO AN ENTIRE ARMED COMPOUND IN COSTUMES LIKE "YEP, WE 100% HAVE THE CHARISMA SCORE TO PULL THIS OFF."


• "Program Alice activated."
  Sam: *PFFFFTS into his drink*


• Seriously if you don't like eyes, don't watch these movies because there are a lot of eyes.


• THIS IS FINE. THIS SURE IS FINE. UMBRELLA HAVE SATELLITES, BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DO.


• I forgot there was a random Umbrella Corp ad in the middle of this!


• Sam's pointed out that that maybe the Resident Evil franchise is, if not the origin of the Strong Female Character trope (where her only verbal options are snark, and she only smiles when she's in the middle of being a badass), then a really good example of it, which... I can believe, to be honest? I like these filmes, and I'll be honest I am willing to add character depth on myself because that's what fanfic is for, so I... Might not have been paying attention?


• I do like this film and its terrible nineties aesthetic.