BG3 mood: Going underground, going undergrouuuuuund!

[spindizzy]

I made a crack about "'How did THAT trigger the romance: RPG dialogue options as a metaphor for an asexual experience' In this essay I will" and honestly am I joking. I keep trying to click on options that sound like "I like you and we're friends!" and then suddenly people are acting like I've declared my love or propositioned them? Genuinely starting to wonder if it's the game being weird or I just haven't calibrated my personal real life "This is a friend thing vs this is a romantic thing" settings properly. Do I need to start warning people that I'm not flirting with them, I'm just Like This?

Speaking of me being Like This: Offline Friend Chris apparently put £30 on my Guardian being a big half-orc woman and he won because I'm both predictable and gay. (Tav is very pretty but 100% less butch.)

ANYWAY: spoilers through the Underdark and act one.

When Halsin said that the Underdark might be the safer option, I didn't expect him to mean "The game is going to tell you you're not a high enough level to ride this ride if you try to go to the mountain pass."

Auntie Ethel's Tea House

• Ugggggggh trying to keep Mayrina's brothers alive is a PAIN IN THE ARSE. If you side with them during the argument with Auntie Ethel, they take off! And get murdered by red caps sheep! If you don't side with them, you have to either kill them or knock them out! And if you knock someone out the game just... Never mentions them again. So it's like you killed them, but with the vague moral comfort that you didn't. Come on game, at least tell me whether they still got hunted down by red caps sheep or not!


• Red Caps ANGRILY BAA-ING AT YOU OMFG


• NO THERE IS A MAN WHO WANTS TO CAPTURE MY VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND.


• I know I've already keysmashed about Astarion going "So you clearly like me enough to murder a man for me ♥" but once again: augh. (FORTUNATELY this time the conversation didn't pop up immediately after the murder and give me a heart attack again.)


• I like Gondrel! He seems funny and kind and is hunting Astarion down for perfectly legitimate reasons! (If you ask him when Astarion's not in your party, he says that Astarion might know the location of some kidnapped kids; who knows though! You can't ask Astarion about it! I'm really hoping that Astarion did not and it's actually part of the trap, but again: YOU CAN'T ASK HIM!) And you would think that Astarion walking around in daylight gives him a pretty solid alibi on not being a vampire! But no, it's straight up "Do you kill this guy who seems nice and well-motivated in favour of protecting this grumpy vampire arsehole." ... Yes I genuinely find this more troubling than the bigger-impact moral choices the game gives you. Yes I know this means the game is working as intended. Yes I chose to kill the guy anyway.


• The internet says that it's the only way to progress Astarion's storyline, which sounded plausible? Maybe? If it turns that's wrong I am going to feel incredibly guilty.


• I'd ask why Ethel makes people think that a swamp is a beautiful sunlit area, but we all know the answer is "Because it's funny."


• That's also my explanation for why the red caps are sheep. And Ethel is ABSOLUTELY correct, that's HILARIOUS.


• Auntie Ethel is such a monkey paw wish granter. All of her explanations are very logical, I can follow the line between what she was asked for and what she gave them! But also: damn Ethel, what the hell. Especially the guy who is a fake door now, because yikes. At least the guy tormented by visions can scream about it.


• THE GUY WHO WAS PETRIFIED UNPETRIFIES HIMSELF WHEN ETHEL DIES AND SURPRISE SURPRISE HE DOES NOT IN FACT HAVE A TERRIBLE DEGENERATIVE ILLNESS! ETHEL JUST TURNED HIM INTO A STATUE FOR SHIGGLES! I look forward to running into him in Baldur's Gate where it will presumably turn out that he has missed out on three generations of his family at a minimum and everything is tragic.


• Ugggggggggggh I don't like fighting the masks in Ethel's basement. They're actively trying not to kill you! And you can't return the favour! If you don't fight them at all, then after Ethel's dead they just gather around the cavern and refuse to let you take off the mind-controlling masks. If you fight them and knock them out, then taking the masks off them kills them. It doesn't feel like a win if you have to leave all of those people to suffer, is what I'm saying here.


• There is one (1) woman who can take the mask off and leave, and I really hope she's okay. I can't tell if it's suspicious that she can take the mask off or that the other's can't. Pretty sure that her mother has dementia and I have no idea how Ethel twisted that up considering how bad that is anyway.


• Oh no, I don't think I went back to talk to the guy screaming in the basement in my Astarion save! Noooooooooo, does he know he can leave?! Is he stuck? None of the others know they can leave! In my Karlach save, when I spoke to him he freaked out because he DEFINITELY sees the future and DEFINITELY saw me turning into an illithid. (I don't think he sees the future very well, you know.)


• Auntie Ethel, what did you want that baby for. What were you going to do with it.


• UPDATE SHE WANTS TO EAT THE BABY AND TURN IT INTO A BABY HAG. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS HOW HAGS REPRODUCED BUT I REGRET THIS KNOWLEDGE, THANK YOU. Source: if you use Speak With Dead on Ethel, she is incredibly chatty. This tracks with her entire existence, but also: I don't like her being powerful enough to break the rules of Speak With Dead. ._.


• Do we meet this "M" who writes to Ethel? ... Is it Mizora? I would really like it to not be Mizora.


• I feel like letting Mayrina walk off with the zombie is maybe a bad plan? Like, I did it anyway, but I'm pretty sure I should not have done that.


• WAIT, YOU CAN ACTUALLY RESOLVE KHAGA'S BULLSHIT?! I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST THERE TO BE WEIRD AND HATE EVERYONE, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL.
  
  • Okay, to back up: tried out the multiplayer with Offline Friend Chris and he was like "Oh yeah, there's a chest behind this bookcase that might explain what's going on with Khaga" (but we couldn't open it because we had ZERO rogue skills, so uhhhhhhhhh guess who took a chest to camp and beat it open with her bare hands!) And in the chest is instructions to go and pick up more instructions, which seems circuitous but I'm not an evil anti-druid trying to take over a druid grove via manipulation and paranoia.
  
  
  • MUD MEPHITS SUMMONING OTHER MUD MEPHITS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT, GAME.
  
  
  • OKAY I DID NOT EXPECT THE RATS TO BE EVIL ANTI-DRUIDS WHO WERE JUST HANGING OUT IN THE DRUID GROVE LIKE THAT'S A NORMAL THING TO DO. NO WONDER THE BASTARDS WERE SO RUDE TO ME WHENEVER I SPOKE TO THEM!
  
  
  • The problem is not just Khaga though, it's that literally everyone went "We don't necessarily APPROVE of Khaga's actions, but it's not like we could STOP her!" and I think that says unpleasant things about the druids as a whole. Like. What did she DO to you all that as soon as Halsin left the building you all abdicated any responsibility for decisions about your home? Is this a hostage thing? Like "If you don't want to go along with this, you can leave with the tieflings and die on the road" sorta deal? Because no one says that's what's happening, just that Khaga is scary and uncontrollable. Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh.
  
  
  • AND THE INSTANT YOU PUSH BACK ON HER ANTI-DRUID BULLSHIT SHE REALISES THAT SHE'S WILLING TO BE A CHILD-KILLING MONSTER. GENUINELY YOU GUYS YOU'RE ALLOWED TO STAND UP TO HER AND TELL HER TO DO ONE, MAYBE IT WILL HELP.

Goblin Camp (again)

• THERE ARE LIKE EIGHT SECRET ROUTES INTO THE GOBLIN CAMP THAT I COMPLETELY MISSED ON MY FIRST TWO PLAYTHROUGHS. IF I DO A LAE'ZEL PLAYTHROUGH I THINK I FIGURED OUT HOW I'M SOLVING THE "WOULD LAE'ZEL TALK HER WAY INTO THIS BASE" PROBLEM.


• Omg Liam is the guy that the adventurers left for dead! I rescued him on every playthrough, but I didn't always get the adventurers sticking around in Emerald Grove yes I let Zevlor punch a racist so I didn't get the female adventurer being happy he's back!


• Current playthrough: let's see if Minthara and Sazza are in Absolute Prison! Like, I'm not recruiting Minthara, and I don't think she'd be pleased to see me since I stole all of her clothes on my way out, but I just want to know!


• Is the secret under the floor that the rats keep talking about the temple? Because I am... Alarmed.

Underdark: Selunite outpost

• Got to the Underdark! Is there a live version of the ginormous skeletal fish beast for me to ride. If not: why not.


• Oh boy, a statue garden! I'm sure there's nothing suspicious here and I'm not going to get mugged by a basilisk!


• ... Okay, it wasn't a basilisk, it was a BEHOLDER. THAT'S WORSE. YOU SEE HOW THAT'S WORSE.


• Very uncomfortable with the examination screen showing all of the statues moving despite the statue textures. Don't like that.


• "How dare he bring a Spectator to our meeting, he quite RUINED my ambush!"


• And the snooty drow's response to my sterling rescue efforts being "Oh, but now you know my secrets so you have to die." SIR I JUST TOOK DOWN A BEHOLDER AND DIDN'T KILL YOU WHILE YOU WERE PETRIFIED, DO YOU REALLY THINK I CAN'T WIN THIS FIGHT.


• Why do the three murder drow who're looking for the forge each have a third of a weapon that joins together. Was this a metaphor for what they could pull off if they worked together and pooled their information. Were they all from the same House. Are they all just muppets.


• The implication is that these guys have been stumbling around the Underdark for years. Possibly decades. What were you all doing all that time?! One of you was a statue, he has an excuse, but WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOU. ESPECIALLY THE ONE APPARENTLY KEEPING HOOK HORRORS AS PETS, YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF.


• Literally if you kill a hook horror the hook horror guy screams "MY LOVE! MY JOY!" and goes on a vengeance rampage. Please explain yourself, sir.


• (According to the wiki/Speak With Dead the hook horrors took him in and fed him, which suggests an alarming amount of sentience on the part of the purple nightmare chickens. There is not yet an explanation for the third guy, so I guess muggins is gonna have to go back and cast Speak With Dead herself.)


• Seriously were the myconids just... Keeping that last drow? Like a pet? Because seriously he appears to have just been locked in a room and left there to die. ._.


• Why do hook horrors look like giant skinless purple chickens?!


• WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T BEFRIEND THE LANDSHARK!


• Is the Underdark fantasy Australia, or do I just think that because everything here wants me dead and I could believe "We're not here to fuck spiders" being a thing that surfacer Drow adopted after it became a meme.

Underdark: Arcane tower

• My hearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt


• Lex tried to fight the turrets and eventually had to give up. I very sensibly just sprinted past the turrets and took the damage to the face. ^^;


• Lenore and Yrre's tragic romance being scattered up and down this tower breaks my fucking heart, oh my god. They love each other! They inspire each other! They created beautiful things together! You find a letter that they've both written on saying that one asked the other to wait, but the letter writer never came back! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!


• There's so much sparkstruck gear around with more story about Yrre and ahhhhhhhhhhhh my heart is sad.


• You know the poetry wizardry is egregious when Gale is calling it out.


• Bernard being programmed to hug Lenore when she needs it!!!! And you can tell that's Yrre's way of speaking, from the difference in how it talks! ;______________;


• YOU NEED TO PUT THE RING ON. IF YOU PUT THE RING ON YOU UNLOCK THE BUTTON FOR THE SECRET SUB-BASEMENT, WHAT THE HELL HOW DID I MISS THIS.


• Couldn't figure out what the button by the window did so I looked it up and omfg it's apparently an infinite meat button. If you find the collar that the tower owner's dog wore, and you push the button, it produces meat! Because either she loved her dog and wanted it to have infinite food, or she didn't trust herself to stick to a schedule and wanted her dog to be able to feed itself. Either way, that's so fucking sweet, what the hell.


• Gale: A wizard's tower is a private sanctuary away from the chaos of the world... But no one's home, so let's take a look.


• Gale is ABSOLUTELY as much of a chaos goblin as the rest of us, he just talks fancy so no one notices.

Underdark: Kuo-toa village

• I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO


• THERE WAS NOTHING ON THE MAP


• SO I'M JUST THERE IN THE GROUP CHAT LIKE "I'M SURE THE CHANTING FISH-MEN ARE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, RIGHT?????"


• "ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY BHAAL WHILE BEING FISH"


• "WHY ARE THE FISH WORSHIPPING A RED CAP WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN HERE"


• BAMBOOZLED A RED CAP SO HARD HE STOPPED BEING A GOD, I AM MIGHTY!!!!


• If you properly convince them that you're a god, do you actually get a buff from it? Because I feel like you should just randomly get a buff because your fish cult is thinking of you.


• YOU CAN FIND A LETTER FROM DONI TO HIS DAD, oh my god that's so sad.

Underdark: Myconid village

• The myconid village is cool. I love the neon and the shambling monstrosities! And the hive mind meaning that you can talk to anyone and have it be the Sovereign is interesting.


• The bit that looks like a stealth maze but is in fact a misty step tutorial is tricksy! I exploded like five times trying to do it! The problem is not the plants venting noxious gas, the problem is the goddamn TORCH that somebody dropped. If I can get to it and put it out before anything gets set off, it's way easier to do the rest of it.


• LexGarrett: Oh, I was so used to those mushrooms being a problem I just firebolted them before I got the cutscene. That explains why I found a corpse there later.


• I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THE NOBLESTALK TO SHADOWHEART IN CASE SHE WANTED IT TO TREAT HER CHRONIC INJURY, SON OF A BITCH. (Update: it did not treat her chronic injury, but it DID let her remember that she once had a friend! ... I don't trust that this friend is still alive and that nothing horrible has happened to him. GOOD LUCK KIDDO, I HOPE YOU WERE NOT MURDERED BY THE DEATH CULT.)


• I have such complicated feelings about the dwarf lady and her husband. Like. "My abuser is now at my mercy because their health failed" and "My abuser is fundamentally a different person due to dementia and there's no way for me to get closure or catharsis from them" are both realistic problems! Absolutely horrible, realistic problems! And her being prickly about his very existence makes sense! But I just really want the game to not go down the "Both sides of this equation are bad people" route and I... Don't know if I trust the writers yet? Ugh. This is another example of the individual moral choices being the ones to stump me! Choosing between slaughtering the grove and not slaughtering the grove: easy, no problem, I know what to do. Deciding whether or not I'm okay with rescuing a former abuser in my future playthroughs now that I know what he was: CONFLICTING.


• (Q: Susan, are you intensely overthinking this because of the real-life generational trauma?
  A: Of course I fucking am.)


• Sovereign really needs to just get an assassin on retainer. I know that they've essentially done that by recruiting me, but at some point I'm going to do the plot and not be here to solve problems with violence!


• In one of my playthroughs, I didn't realise that Glut actually wants to overthrow the other myconid circle because I completely fucked up keeping him alive. WHOOPS. No kingmaker dilemmas for me!


• Shout out to the one executed gnome you find surrounded by four (4) piles of viscera that are all labelled "Shattered Duergar." That's some environmental storytelling right there, you legend.