We checked like four different news reports before we believed it

Oh my god I am so scared that there might be backlash or some fucking electoral college bullshit, but – HE LOST. TRUMP LOST THE ELECTION AND THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE, FUCK OFF INTO THE SEA YOU BIGOTED MURDEROUS SHITSTAIN!

I don't know what I'm feeling right now, but god, good work American friends. THANK YOU FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT. I know I'm supposed to give a list of qualifiers and reminders, but – holy shit, despite everything, we're here and got to see this.

All that's playing in my head right now is a mash-up of Thank You Very Much from Scrooge and John Oliver's Eat Shit Bob song.

Now excuse me, I'm cracking out the ice cream and celebrating!