spindizzy: A heartless standing on the stairs. (Heartless)
[personal profile] spindizzy
OKAY, here is everything I know about Actual Arthurian Legend without wikipedia-ing anything, just through pop culture.

  • There is a guy called Uther! He is Arthur's dad! Apart from that, he's not very important?

  • There is a sword in a stone! I believe that the sword is Excalibur, but to be honest Arthur might have had two magic swords?

  • Arthur pulls the magic sword out of the magic stone, becomes King of England.

  • There is a wizard called Merlin? He is also not very important. He is dating a sorceress called Nimue who is like... A water-focused spellcaster? Maybe?

  • Nimue is also NOT the Lady in the Lake? But yes, no, Arthur pulls a sword out of a stone and the Lady in the Lake gives him Excalibur, and they are different. I think.

  • Guinevere is Arthur's wife, except that at some point she goes "Man, Arthur is AN ASSHOLE, hello handsome French knight!" and runs away with Lancelot.

  • ... Legit, the only reason I know that Lancelot was French was because of Hamilton.

  • There is a round table! And twelve knights, maybe. ALL OF THEM DIE TERRIBLY, some of them through looking for the holy grail for Reasons, and some of them just because they're actually assholes?

  • Mordred is a thing (Maybe he kills Arthur? Maybe he just WANTS to kill Arthur) and is the... I'm gonna say brother of Arthur? Oh, oh, was he one of those babies who was born through the medium of "Well I guess I'm magically wearing your husband's face, we might as well have sex!"? I'm pretty sure that's a thing, right?

  • When Arthur dies, he goes "[Knight], you are the least dickish of my friends, take Excalibur and throw it into the lake so the Lady of the Lake is not fucking pissed at us and I get to die in peace," except that dude got as far as going to the lake and then went "BUT, CONSIDER THIS: I could totally keep this sword!" and there was much drama and possibly the classic "fails two times and THEN he stops being a dick" that is common in many myths.

  • Never store La Morte D'Arthur on a high shelf, that is how people die.

And now I am going to go and actual look things up, because I am PRETTY SURE this is all wrong.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-05-29 11:08 pm (UTC)
sweet_sparrow: Picture of two cats lying back-to-back with two black spots connecting to make a heart. (E: Heart)
From: [personal profile] sweet_sparrow
*giggling madly* I don't know. It sounds largely accurate to me. XD (Not that I'm an expert on Arthuriana, but still. There is masses of it and these are the main lines.)

I'm very curious to how storing La Morte D'Arthur on a high shelf can kill someone though... (I TOTALLY do not have a copy stored on a high shelf. ABSOLUTELY NOT.)