spindizzy: (Come at me bro)
[personal profile] spindizzy
OKAY, I celebrated the New Year by going to the pictures with a bunch of my mates! We were going to see Assassin's Creed, and while we were there [twitter.com profile] stubacca01 suggested going to see Silence, which I hadn't really been planning on seeing? But eh, I have a cinema card, so...

(WEIRD TONAL WHIPLASH: GO.)

I don't think I enjoyed Silence, but I'm like 99% certain that you're not supposed to enjoy Silence. It is very grim, and very bleak, and I don't think that a movie about people being tortured and killed for their faith is a film I want to see, especially when there are several points where the film explicitly says that this pain and suffering the secondary characters go through is specifically to hurt the white male leads., and...

I dunno, it's really strange. It's based on a novel by a Japanese author, I think? So I might want to look at that and see how much of the commentary on Japanese culture is from that and how much from the film-makers. And I've seen someone describe this film as attempting to examine religious colonialism, but I'm not sure how much it really dug into that.

BASICALLY IT WAS SUPER DEPRESSING AND BLEAK, TAKE FROM THAT WHAT YOU WILL.

(I want to make the joke about Kylo Ren and Spiderman teaming up to track down Ra's Al-Ghul, but...)

But Assassin's Creed, though, I SURE HAVE THINGS TO SAY about that! The tl;dr is that it is so bad! Gorgeous action sequences, but the script is legitimately awful. Although the visual effects are good, and I feel like [personal profile] rionaleonhart is Sure Going To Have Opinions on how they handle the Bleed or whatever it was called. Spoilers behind the cut!

  • DISCLAIMER: I know very little about the Assassin's Creed franchise beyond what I've picked up through fandom osmosis, so maybe this will make more sense if you have played the games and know what's going on from there.

  • This script was a goddamn mess and the dialogue was awful. I really want to just get a copy of it and see if there is a way that I could fix it.

    • I was convinced that their mission was going to involve killing the small child to prevent him being used as a hostage, because quite frankly if you tell me that this order has explicitly abandoned morality for the "greater good" then I think you should seriously just go HARD into that. It would be an interesting storyline, if you put it with Sophia's "You can't change the past" line, and add in Cal's imperilled childhood, you could have done something cool with that! But no.

    • They have what Lex referred to as "Chekov's poisoner" in that one of the characters mentions that his regression is a master poisoner from the 1800s, and this is a talent that is never mentioned again. SURELY you could use that either to aid in your escape, or to DEAL WITH THE MASSIVE AMOUNT OF TEMPLARS ALL AT ONE EVENT AT THE END OF THE FILM

    • You could have made an entire film about people being kidnapped, regressed through their past lives and trying to use the skills of both of their lives to support each other and get out of the prison complex alive. I want a movie about assassins planning a jail break. I want a movie where the guards are totally convinced that that former taxi driver and this former maths professor and that punk kid are all harmless, totally, we are not paranoid, oh god oh god they're going to kill us all. WHY DO I NOT HAVE THAT MOVIE.

    • What in the name of sanity was Cal's motivation for any of his actions? Because I really don't have a clue why he made any of the decisions that he did. Like, I thought it was going to turn out that he'd just hit the Bleed Through to the point where he'd convinced himself that he was Aguilar to the point where he decided to flip out and kill all of the templars.

    • Seriously, they don't really have a third act? Like, they have the climactic escape, and then kinda just... Forgot to have anything interesting happen after that? Well, no, that's a lie, they have Sophia's villain origin story, and it's great (I did all of this work to cure aggression and violence, and my father explicitly told me that he was going to steal the credit I deserved), but also the people he reports to know he stole her credit and let him do it. I would be 100% here for Sophia's villain moment leading to her declaring war on Assassins and Templars, and her vows of revenge for her father's murder were a way to get herself in with Templar command.

      But apart from Sophia's villain origin story, the end of the movie is really anticlimactic, I didn't know it was possible to flub a landing that hard.

    • (SHOUT OUT TO THE FILM NEVER SHOWING US HOW HE SURVIVED HALF OF THE LANDINGS HE HAD TO HAVE MADE, WE SURE DIDN'T NOTICE THAT)

    • I think at some point they need to have a better explanation of why there was an orb containing the DNA code of... SOMETHING... In inquisition-era Spain, and how Dr Jeremy Irons managed to pitch people on that so thoroughly that they gave him three billion dollars. And then they can explain why it didn't have a better hiding place that the tomb of Christopher fucking Columbus.

    • We have no idea about Aguilar's character at all. He is a blank slate who has the creed, a mentor, and a girlfriend, and he does not emote about any of those things at any point.

  • (What the fuck is with all of the dead mothers in this film, what the actual fuck. Especially with the way Cal's mother died; if she was an assassin, why didn't she run/fight/take out her family like she clearly expected her husband to?)

  • Apparently the dude Cal murdered was a pimp and I don't know why Cal thought that made it better, whether he was Cal's pimp, what is going on with that.

  • The number of people walking about dramatically hooded made me laugh so hard.

  • The action sequences are SO GOOD, from the parkour to the wall-bouncing to the fight scenes: they are REALLY GOOD. And the way that they're incorporated into the animus scenes (the misty images of what Cal is seeing as he leaps around) is great. Like, we're talking "I realised no one had said anything in the last ten minutes and I am enjoying the film A LOT MORE for it" levels of fight scenes making up for the script.

  • (I am going to keep kvetching about the script, because it's nonsensically bad! Why does Sophia have to dramatically whisper "The leap of faith!" like that means something? What the fuck is going on in any of the dialogue? Like, Jeremy Irons has some good lines, but apart from that...)

  • I am so sad that those beautiful fight scenes were in such a bad movie. D: D: D:

  • IN CONCLUSION: IT WAS SUPER EH. WOULD NOT RECOMMEND, EXCEPT MAYBE TO WATCH THE FIGHT SCENES ON YOUTUBE IN A FEW DAYS.


So, my 2017 in media is starting off SUPER GREAT. :D At the very least, we've had a lot to talk about!

(no subject)

Date: 2017-01-03 09:05 am (UTC)
scarimonious: Assassin's Creed II - Ezio flying over Venice (ACII - Ezio over Venice)
From: [personal profile] scarimonious
As an AssCreed veteran, I can probably fill in a lot of blanks for you? Specially reguarding the Apple of Eden because that's a huuuuuuge McGuffin from the games. I feel like this is a thing that probably makes more sense if you do know the games because we know what the Apple does (Spoiler: mind control - the Templar plan for world peace is enslaving the human populace via the shiny McGuffin) and the whole point of the first game was to showcase why this McGuffin is so fuckin' dangerous for anyone to have. That's...that's what we were missing in this movie. You found the McGuffin, yay! GO WITH THE CREEPY MIND CONTROLLED TEMPLAR HQ, LET DR JEREMY IRONS GO MAD WITH POWAH! That would have given the ending some measure of satisfaction, specially since the whole build up of scrambling Cal's brains was to get the location of the thing.

RE: Leap of Faith, that's the name of the the fancy jumping off tall things and not dying. 99% of the time you aim for a haystack, sometimes you jump into the water.

Also, needed more puzzles to unlock the McGuffin in Columbus' resting place because everyone knows you can't just roll up into a cathedral and be like "I'll take that box, kthx." to the priests and they totally just hand it over. No, solve puzzles to unlock the goddamned hidden tomb or whatever!

But oh my god the dialogue was like "do I press X to talk?" a lot. Did they specifically tell everyone to act like a robot? Because like, Marion Cotillard is not without talent. Though I really liked her haircut.

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Susan

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Hi! I'm Susan, I write for [community profile] ladybusiness, and I'm currently trying to post at least 100 words of fic every day.

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