spindizzy: Jensen making his robot dinosaur hump his DIY dog. (Make the dollies kiss)
[personal profile] spindizzy
SO, GUYS, I have finally seen The Magnificent Seven with subtitles, which means that zvarri! The truth has once again been elegantly revealed to me! Or rather, I have caught all of the bits of dialogue that I couldn't parse, so I now feel qualified to actually talk about the damn thing.

The short, non-spoilery reaction is that I really enjoyed it! Holy crap, guys, its a western where no one gets raped (Q: Is that particularly common? A: The Magnificent Seven is the third or fourth wyouestern I've seen this year and the first one where no one gets raped.), and there are multiple named POC who make it to the end of the movie! IT'S LIKE FUCKING MAGIC, GUYS, IT'S LIKE A GENRE I LIKE FINALLY DECIDED TO LIKE ME BACK. *rolls in it* Ignore the fact that I am mainly here for Byung-Hun Lee being ludicrously pretty and stabbing people, okay? That's probably safest.

  • Shutting the whole town when the gold comes to down is really weird but I guess is how no one has an excuse to shoot you, so... Also apparently they set off the dynamite at the same time they send the wagons into town? I guess that's as good a marker as any.

  • This was a scene where having the subtitles on really helped, because what I couldn't get just from listening to it was that at least some people in the town object to how the miners are being treated because "they fought in the war!" Do not ask me how long it took me to realise which war they meant.

  • Emma (and the other women!) don't seem to get much a voice in the meeting! She clings to Matthew's arm, and it's really easy to see how in a different movie (or even just an older one) she'd be an obstacle for him to overcome as he goes off to save the town. I AM GLAD THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. Especially because he is very much set up in this scene as the man that the town is going to rally behind! And then he dies, and Emma takes over and I approve this legend-jacking.

  • So, he's trying to keep the town away from their water source? How are they not dying of dehydration, or is that the point? ._.

  • Every time Gavin (the proprietor of the brothel) shows up, I'm desperate for a story about sex workers fighting crime in the old west. All of the ones I know are scifi, I think? There's Karen Memory by Elizabeth Bear, and one that I think Nay's read recently, Company Town? By Madeleine Ashby? ... I'm convinced that Fortune's Pawn is also this, but I'm pretty sure it's actually all about bounty hunters in space. BASICALLY I JUST WANT GAVIN TO BE PUT ON A STAGE COACH OUT OF TOWN AND FOR THE SEX WORKERS TO SHOW UP WITH GUNS. (Also I still don't understand why people were arguing about who did or did not go to the brothel last night, because quite frankly, the brothel is in the middle of town from what I can tell of this layout, I'm pretty sure everyone could see who was there last night.

  • ... I'm glad that everyone else is done with Gavin as well.

  • MATTHEW YOU ARE SUCH A PROTAGONIST IN YOUR HEART BUT YOU HAVE NPC STATS, YOU POOR FOOLISH IDIOT.

  • Bogue: *RATTLES JAR OF DIRT MENACINGLY*

  • But seriously, the reactions to Bogue and his request for audience participation are really good at building tension and fear of him, whereas the litany of grievances wasn't so much? Like, even the people who hate him step out of his way, treat him with... Deference, rather than respect. So, good job there.

  • "This country has long equated democracy with capitalism, capitalism with god, so you're not just standing in the way of progress and capital, you're standing in the way of GOD!" WHAT THE FUCK BOGUE I say, even as I'm going "Actually yeah that attitude would explain a lot about politics..."

  • Part of me is always convinced there's a scorpion in that jar for some reason, because apparently I watched Flash Gordon at an impressionable age. MOST TENSE GAME OF AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION. MOST. TENSE. Like, he planned for that degree of theatricalism, jaysus.

  • "This is no longer land! The moment I put a pin the map, the day I descended into this godforsaken valley and cast my gaze upon it, it ceased to be land! And became... Dust." BOGUE IS SUCH A SHIT BUT HE GETS SUCH GOOD LINES AND DELIVERY. GOD DAMN, ASSHOLE.

  • That shot of Bogue walking through smoke as he leaves the church makes me happy aesthetically, and I can't put my finger on why? But it WORKS. It looks like he's walking out of the mouth of hell!

  • I keep trying to work out Teddy's relationship to people in town -- Emma describes him as her acquaintance, fine, but I'm pretty sure he gets put on the ground over Isabel? And yet he's not mentioned in connection to any of the people who died, I guess to not muddy the strength of Emma's motivation?

  • WHY ARE YOU KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF A PRIEST LITERALLY THE WORST HE IS GOING TO DO IS RUN INTO HIS BURNING CHURCH AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH A DEAD PRIEST CONSIDERING HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU'RE ABOUT TO SHOOT.

  • OKAY, let's do some talking about word choice, because Matthew says a thing that I am interested by. He says "What did these people ever do to you?" -- "these people", not "we". Like, there is a level of distinguishing himself from the others there and I don't know if that's part of the bait-and-switch of Matthew as the protagonist, or if him and Emma are new to town, or if - I dunno, there is a distance there, like he isn't one of Bogue's victims, and I am INTRIGUED.

  • Emma's face when Matthew starts talking; she's blatantly shaking her head at him like "Nope, you've fucked up, you fucked up, please for the love of God stop."

  • I'm starting to think that Alexander Skaarsgard is like Hugo Weaving for me; I do not find him attractive, but his... Physicality is kinda appealing? I don't know if body language is the word I want to use. The way he just tilts his head when he's looking at Matthew, and the way he stands in his shooting pose, appeal to me.

  • Okay, the last time I saw Emma's actress in anything it was Hardcore Henry, and I cannot get over how different she looks and sounds between these films. Like, it is IMPRESSIVE. I still have no idea what her actual accent is though.

  • "Leave the bodies where they lie. Let em look at em a few days." OKAY, shooting people I can understand, but that is just cruel.

  • Okay, but the miners running to church to help, but being driven off because "You're not being paid to help." Nooooooo.

  • Bogue strolling into a brothel after killing that many people and burning a church -- like, he pauses to make sure it's burning -- is just... Wow. IF YOU WEREN'T SURE ABOUT HIM, HERE YOU GO.

  • I think the interesting thing about having a black guy as the protagonist is that so much of the "Holy shit a stranger has come to town! *shutters shop*" now has the additional question of "Are you garden-variety western paranoid about strangers coming to down, or are y'all just racist?" ... Especially considering the difference in meaning "I'm not for sale" takes in this context, actually, wow.

  • FUCKING CREEPER OF AN UNDERTAKER RIGHT THERE.

  • See, because my memory is shit and I wasn't taking notes during the showing with the subtitles, I HAVE NO IDEA what that guy says to Sam. I hear it alternately as "You know where you are, cowboy?" (Which I THINK is what the subtitles say he says) and "We know who you are, cowboy." THOSE MEAN DIFFERENT THINGS, BRAIN, AND THE IMPLICATIONS ARE DIFFERENT.

  • Faraday, Faraday no. Please stop. I CAN'T TELL IF I LIKE YOU BECAUSE HALF OF THE TIME YOU'RE CHARMING AND THE OTHER HALF YOU'RE FUCKING STAR-LORD LEVELS OF BEING A LITTLE SHIT.

  • "Shot of busthead."
    "Sorry, don't carry that kind, cowboy."
    "In that case I'll have a double."

  • I like that Dan just gives him the bottle.

  • My brain went assuming that Powder Dan did explosives back in't day, from the name, and somehow this has led to "But then the Magnificent Seven team foil a train robbery (or maybe commit it)" and this might be because I want the Baccano fusion but also?????

  • I could not work out what he was singing there, not even slightly, until I watched the subtitled showing. "Bring them in from the fields of sin"?

  • Okay, I gotta ask: why is Sam Chisolm's gun backwards in its holster? Is it to show off that he's That Good? Is it a practicality thing? I MUST KNOW.

  • I love that no one but Dan dies. He has a warrant for Dan, Dan gets dead, but everyone else is fine to go. THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESTRAINT, SIR, IT IS APPRECIATED. Especially because everyone's neutralised in a different way (guns shot out of hands, skimming the top of someone's head, shooting someone's foot.) RESPECT FOR YOUR SKILLS, SIR.

  • Faraday running back-up though, it pleases me immensely. Also the speed he flicks that gun around looks like a magic trick, which makes sense for his character

  • He called for the Sheriff and LITERALLY EVERYONE LEAVES, oh my god, guys.

  • Faraday CHECKING THE OTHER HANDS before he robs everyone is so great.

  • I swear his accent/degree of drawl wanders like he's not settled into one before they started filming. Bless his heart.

  • "Duly sworn warrant officer of the Sheriff's Court in Wichita, Kansas. I'm also a licensed Peace Officer in the Indian Territories, Arkansas, Nebraska and seven other states." Somewhere, Nay is yelling "IT'S PRONOUNCED ARKANSAW!" and she doesn't know why, but I feel IMMENSELY VIDICATED by people who are not me also pronouncing it Arkansas.

  • Faraday: *slopes off with everyone's money*

  • I find it interesting that half of the money goes to Powder Dan's widow, because it suggests that people made provisions for the families that were about to get fucked up by one of their adults being killed. Also that people hold the money for him! That's useful to know!

  • I had to google SO MUCH VOCAB after this film. Apparently a vaquero is a cowboy? And this makes sense as to why he goes to fetch Vasquez, because he was after him anyway. Although I still have no idea why he picked Vasquez beyond "I can give him a reason to fight beside us;" maybe there is something interesting in Vasquez's backstory! Who knows!

  • Okay, Rose Creek is four days away from THIS CITY they're in, got it. *tries to make a mental map of the distances*

  • "You don't need a bounty hunter, you need an army."
    "And we intend to hire one, sir."
  • Faraday gives SO FEW SHITS about having guns in his face. SO FEW. I can't talk if that's confidence or drunkenness right there. Especially considering he later TELLS people to keep their guns on him.

  • I feel like there should be more of a Thing over the "Don't touch my guns" bit, considering he shot a guy in the face over it and it never comes up again.

  • The Idiot Brothers yelling "Hands up!" sound like the seagulls yelling "Mine, mine, mine!" in Finding Nemo.

  • People question Emma going and dealing, but she uses Chisolm's manners and her position as a widowed white lady against him to make him hear her out even while he's fobbing Teddy off.

  • What gets me is that in my brain, Sam Chisolm is the beating moral heart of this party, and yet if it hadn't been Bogue. If it hadn't been Bogue, he might have left without batting an eye.

  • I need to sit down with one of my resident Southerners and be like "Okay, so referring to married/older ladies by their first names is COMPLICATED" so they can go "here is an article someone wrote on the difference between Miss, Mrs, Ms and Miz in the South because if you get this wrong you will have your heart blessed so hard you'll be too ashamed to speak again."

  • "I've been offered a lot for my work, but never everything." Is it everything Emma and Teddy have, everything the town has...? People seem surprised at what she's done! I'm curious!

  • I find it interesting that it cuts to Teddy when she says "Killed him dead in the middle of the street." Not sure why, but interesting.

  • "I seek righteousness, as should we all, but I'll take revenge." ~TRAILER LINE.~

  • "If you wanna kill me, kill me. If you wanna rob me, rob me. But I will not go into that mine." I like this line, and I like the little half-step forward and back he does when he says it. (Chris Pratt: also not someone I find appealing, except sometimes in the way he moves! Despite him fitting exactly into the Narrow Mould Of Dudes Susan Finds Attractive! What is up with that.)

  • I like Dickie's idiot face, even if he and his brother are muppets.

  • MAGIC TRICKS, I LOVE MAGIC TRICKS! I also love the little handflick he does to get card back. *bites knuckle*

  • Faraday, what is wrong with you. What in the world.

  • See, I hate guns? I hate them a lot? But I like looking at the designs of the rifles for this film. >_>

  • I want a screencap of that map, because working out the layout of the town pecks my head.

  • "You spend all night at the saloon and then you can't even control a silly horse! Come on, lad, get in there!"
    "Silly horse? He's a stallion, his name is Jack, and he's killed men before so he oughta be careful."

  • So, we get fic where Jack straight up murders some people, right? That's a thing AO3 is going to give me?

  • "It seems we have ourselves a Mexican stand-off, only between an Irishman and a baptist and I'm not sure how that ends."

  • QUICK DRAWING OVER A HORSE IS MAYBE A BIT SILLY CHILDREN, I AM WITH FARADAY THERE DID NOT NEED TO BE GUNS THERE.

  • Thing I noticed; there are ladies in their underwear in the background of most scenes! Huh.

  • "Who's she?"
    "Joan of Arc." CHISOLM, WHAT.

  • "How many you got so far?"
    "Two."
    "What, them?"
    "You and me."
    *Faraday gives the MOST SCEPTICAL LOOK*

  • MY MONEY IS ON EMMA IF SHE HAS TO THROW DOWN WITH YOU, FARADAY, DON'T YOU THINK IT ISN'T. Also chivalry? Really?

  • I like how everyone seems to know about Bogue, literally everyone.

  • "... Just speaking out loud," Faraday says, because he doesn't want to walk back to town.

  • Okay, and Volcano Springs is twenty miles away from wherever they split and a day and a half away from Junction City. GOD HORSE TRAVEL WITH NO ROADS IS TERRIBLE FOR CALCULATING DISTANCES AND TIMES.

  • IF NOT FOR THE CREDITS I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD ANY CLUE AS TO HOW TO SPELL GOODNIGHT ROBICHEAUX'S NAME. WHAT. Like, I heard "Robershaw," that is how wrong this was gonna go. French spelling, my nemesis!

  • I like how Chisolm's just like "Yep, of course I know where Vasquez was this entire time," that is the sort of efficiency I like.

  • "You been sleeping in here?"
    "He doesn't snore much."

  • Chisolm specifically not taking his gun to make sure he's not a threat!

  • What would have happened if Vasquez hadn't taken him up on that deal? Also I would have loved to see that discussion go down.

  • LET GO OF EMMA OH MY GOD THE FACT THAT YOU AND CHISOLM MAKE IT TO JUNCTION CITY IS A MIRACLE.

  • *takes short pre-emptive screaming break to attempt to vent some feelings before Billy Rocks shows up*

  • I am interested in Volcano Springs, it's a supply station did they say? *puts "supply stations" on the list of things to research*

  • Oh god oh god, the screaming break didn't help. Foileshgfodghsld. BILLY ROCKS, GUYS, BILLY ROCKS AND MAYBE GOODNIGHT BUT MAINLY BILLY ROCKS.

  • BYUNG-HUN-LEE IS SO BEAUTIFUL. Like, I was enjoying the film fine, and then it got to this scene and I was like "... I need so much fic and people who understand these feelings or I am going to die."

  • I don't understand how you tell who won this game, what if you're not looking the right way.

  • The way Billy and Goodnight look at each other when Arcade doubles down is super married and I love it, especially because they don't talk about it, Billy's just like "Fuck it."

  • Goddamn it you attractive fucker.

  • Like, I don't have any sass about this scene, that is how much I love Billy Rocks. He just! With the hat! And the belt! And the hairpin! ANd HIS fuickigns BOOTS okay I can't even with this right now.

  • YES I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I'M BI AND SOME MEN ARE ATTRACTIVE AND FORGOT HOW I NORMALLY DEAL WITH THIS GIVE ME A SECOND.

  • OKAY, I'm cool, I'm calm, I am ready to deal with Billy Rocks being my favourite character and Goodnight Robicheaux being allowed to come to as Billy's +1. I CAN DEAL.

  • Goodnight's degree of chill here is uncanny. Just casually strolling in, flicking his cigarette and starting to walk around with his hat to collect the money. Just completely unsurprised and rolling his eyes at the dead dude, which is how I like my murder partners to work.

  • ... Oh shit Billy/Goodnight is the most quintessential example of how I like my murder partners to work, fuck this explains everything.

  • (I keep forgetting that Goodnight hasn't actually gone grey! Why brain, what on earth put that into your head as a thing? ... Also having seen Ethan Hawke's face on DVD covers now, can confirm that he is one of those guys where if he's clean shaven I don't even wanna know. But with the beard... I'm fine with it. Wtf, brain.)

  • "Easy, Goodnight, he's drunk, he don't mean it," says the drunk guy's friend, like Goodnight is liable to fly off the handle and punch a guy in the teeth. Is it out of respect for Goodnight's reputation, or does Goodnight have prior for this kind of thing, I must know. ... I kinda want him to have prior, not gonna lie, because I like the idea of Goodnight being the kinda guy where you can rag him to the dogs and back but god help you if you start on someone he likes? But also I like the idea of him just trading on the idea that he is terrifying as has terrifying friends and this is why everyone is like "Fuck, didn't mean to do that."

  • "That's all right son, you just pay me double."

  • IT DISTRESSES ME THAT HE TURNS AROUND BEFORE HE COLLECTS THE REST OF THE MONEY.

  • God this charming swaggering fuck.

  • Billy with his feet on the table and his cigarettes, not a single fuck given. *chinhands*

  • "How did we meet, Billy?" he says, like he's not expecting an answer. THEY ARE THE MOST MARRIED.

  • Goodnight: "I was serving a warrant on him for the Northern Pacific Railroad."
    Faraday: "For what? Killing a man with a hairpin?"
    Goodnight: *bursts out laughing*
    Billy: *LOOKS at them until Faraday shuts up in fear* ... THAT is funny.

  • The degree of side-eye Billy gives people gives me life.

  • "This petite sonofabitch took on the whole room bare-knuckled, I watched in AWE. And I said to myself, 'Goodnight, this is not a man to arrest, this is a man to befriend.'" 1) And THIS was the point where I was like "I REALLY HOPE [personal profile] thebaconfat is going to see this movie and ship this with me. 2) Goodnight and Billy's meet-cute involves people getting punched in the face! THIS IS THE BEST MEET-CUTE, I APPROVE AND INVITE SPECULATION AS TO WHETHER GOODNIGHT ALSO GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE A FEW TIMES.



  • "So you make your living offa his alley fights?"
    "Equal shares. Between fights, Goody helps me navigate the white man's prejudices." THE SHEER LEVEL OF DONE IN BILLY'S FACE RIGHT THERE, OH MY GOODNESS.

  • "I keep him employed, and he keeps me... On the level." See, now that I know this doesn't just mean "Not actively a criminal" I am shrieking. And the "Wherever I go, Billy goes," because in my brain it's also the other way around because apparently murder partners just makes something in my brain go pop. Especially because Teddy Q looks the correct degree of intimidated there.

  • "It's a day and a half to Junction City, we got two days. Let's do a half-day of drinking." 1) that is how Faraday and Goodnight made friends, 2) Goodnight does the drinking, and then still comes back with "I'm not sure about this one" when he gets to see Sam. HM.

  • ...I've just got a line in my notes saying "OKAY, but Sam Chisolm and Goodnight Robicheaux as Team Dads and Horne as Scary Grandpa Who Would Fight A Dude For You" and I have no idea what that means but I present this thought to you!

  • The first time I watched this I was like "But... Where is the city? Are they just supposed to find this one tree?" And then I realised the next time that OH, no, I'm just an idiot, the city is over the ridge in the background.

  • Q: Susan, how many times did you watch this film? A: LET US NOT TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE THE ANSWER IS GOING TO SHAME ME.

  • GOODNIGHT AND SAM ARE SO HAPPY TO SEE EACH OTHER. Like, I understand so very little about their call-and-response ("You're a sight to see even a storm at our back." "Rain ain't nothing but wet." "And what we lose in the fire we will find in the ashes.") but I kinda love it? And hugs! Everyone needs more hugs!

  • *is distracted by Billy's coat and gloves*

  • That is the most warning tone I have ever heard to someone saying "We work for her!" HER HANDS ARE COLD BECAUSE SHE WAS FAFFING WITH A STREAM GOODNIGHT. But I still find him quite reassuring.

  • "Oh good, we got a Mexican." FARADAY.

  • (And the worst part of it was, that is how Faraday introduces himself to Vasquez and I'm like "You two are going to end up being the antagonist best friends of this film, I can feel it, and Faraday is never going to apologise for this bit." AND I WAS RIGHT. MY TROPE-KNOWLEDGE IS STRONG.)

  • ... Vasquez and Faraday are wearing the same clothes! (Vasquez wears it better.)

  • "What a merry band we are! Me a grey, Chisolm a blue, Billy a mysterious man of the orient, a drunk Irishman, a Texican, a female and her gentlemen caller. This is not going to end well." JUST IN CASE YOU NIPPED OUT FOR A DRINK GUYS, HERE IS THE CHARACTER ROSTER. *facepalms*

  • "I sense we are bonding."

  • "The Pigeon Brothers weren't famous for very long!" and Teddy and Emma look horrified because they are the token sane people in this party.

  • I didn't realise it was Kingpin until I googled the guy! People kept being like "It's this guy!" and I had no idea who this guy is until I saw him without the beard. The voice is really distracting!

  • I think that the reason I'm so wary of Jack Horne once we get to scalping I'm there going "I'm pretty sure that they scalped children back then too because the Government still paid out on them" and I... I dunno. I don't know enough about American history to know if/when that was a thing, and I don't know if I should be side-eying a character for something there is no canonical basis for, so... *scrubs at face* I HAVE IRRATIONAL FEELINGS, OKAY, AND SOMETIMES THEY AFFECT MY REACTIONS TO CHARACTERS.

  • "I believe that bear was wearing people's clothes."

  • The thing with "atmospheric" soundtrack music is that sometimes it's hard to tell what is something the characters can hear and what is just the soundtrack! Arrival had this problem too, especially with the big doomy noises it made.

  • Come ON Faraday! *facepalms* (Does Teddy ever actually use this knowledge?) Also, everyone looks up when the guns come out, but no one moves.

  • "What's the payout here Sam?" [...]
    "You ain't changed. Everything... Everything they had is what they offered."
    "Everything?" *looks at Emma* "She's about the same age that your sister would be, isn't she?"
    "Yeah she is –" *hesitates*
    "Just making sure we're fighting the battle in front of us, not behind."
    1) THAT is some A+ lede burying right there, Goodnight, wow (Although I am quite entertained that Sam's just expecting him to be a mercenary bastard). 2) Chisolm has told Goodnight his backstory! *ponders* 3) THIS CONVERSATION in light of, y'know, Goodnight's entire fucking character arc! I genuinely can't work out if Goodnight is the best of the worst person to be mentioning this!

  • ... No one has blankets! Is it really that warm? I am worried about fictional characters getting cold.

  • That is the single fakest looking dead animal I've ever seen.

  • I was afraid this was going to be so much more racist. So much more.

  • "We go to fight wicked men. Probably, we all die." And Red Harvest is just like "Sure, sounds like a plan."

  • Apparently the bit where he says his name is Red Harvest isn't in the same language as the rest of his dialogue! But that is from IMDB, so take that factoid with a pinch of salt.

  • Me: Why is his name Red Harvest though?
    [profile] splend: *Proceeds to explain the whole "Magnificent Seven is ripped off from Seven Samurai by Kurosawa, who made a film called Yojimbo which was ripped off from a story called Red Harvest by Dashiel Hammett thing*
    I LOVE MY FRIENDS, THEY ARE SMART AND KNOW SO MANY THINGS.

  • But why does Billy have to walk into town. I guess because it's easier to stab a guy from ground level? But surely you'd be more suspicious if someone showed up in the middle of nowhere on foot...?

  • Oh wow, so many deputies.

  • "He's harmless." THAT GLARE THOUGH.

  • "You don't mind giving up those guns, do you?"
    "Absolutely! Law and order I say!" Sam Chisolm you magnificent troll. Like, they ain't even trusting that.

  • LOOK AT THESE ATTRACTIVE FUCKERS LOUNGING AROUND LIKE THEY'RE NOT PLANNING TO THROW DOWN. *flips table*

  • "I'll say a prayer for you. Y'know, a little prayer." That seems like some very polite religious shade being thrown there!

  • I'M NOT SURE IF RED HARVEST KNIFED A GUY ON CUE OR IF HE'S JUST BEEN STANDING THERE PROPPING UP A CORPSE, EITHER WAY A+ STEALTHING.

  • "And you'll be murdered... By the world's greatest lover." *ENTIRE CINEMA BURSTS OUT LAUGHING*

  • Wow, Sam Chisolm SURE HAS OPINIONS and I love him, I love him so much. *chinhands over Chisolm casually taking Blackstones apart*

  • The panic on Goodnight's face before the shooting even starts. ;______; I think it's the tension and the anticipation, maybe?

  • Faraday being smart! \o/ Horne straight up charging a dude! \o/ Billy knifing people! Red Harvest laying down covering fire for Billy! \o/ Goodnight recoiling and hissing as the sounds bend around him! ;_________;

  • FARADAY DUCK YOU BULLET-HUNGRY DIPSHIT.

  • I swear to fuck Billy just nailed a guy to a post with a knife. O_____o

  • Faraday and Vasquez fighting back to back seemed to come quite early in the film! :o I thought that would be for later! (Also the smile of Vasquez's face before he walks into the bank delights me.)

  • (THAT FEATURETTE MAKES ME SAD BECAUSE I HAD BEEN ASSUMING THAT VASQUEZ HAD A NICE NORMAL LIFE AT ONE POINT AT THEY'RE LIKE NOPE, CAREER CRIMINAL. On the plus side: the Magnificent Seven fight crime and also commit it?)

  • This was the moment where I realised that as much as I'd like Billy Rocks to be the character I statted in an RPG, I would PROBABLY be playing Jack Horne. Tragic backstory that possibly involved not being a good person and is never explored? Yelling random quotation? FUCKING TACKLING A GUY STRAIGHT OFF A HORSE TO MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF HIM?! ... Yep, that is what I would do.

  • *casually admires Red Harvest's arm muscles because holy shit*

  • GOODNIGHT IS TRYING SO HARD and he's looking so helplessly at Faraday when he can't do it. ;____; And then Billy's face when he examines the gun, the pause before he says "It's jammed." *flails wildly*

  • THE LOOK ON BILLY'S FACE WHEN HE SEES THE BLOOD ON GOODNIGHT'S HAND. ;_; Like, I've literally no idea when Goodnight got hurt (Which works, because I'm pretty sure neither does he – I thought he'd been hit in the shoulder from the bit where he's cleaning the blood off, but he ends up with a bandage on his wrist, so who knows?

  • AGAIN, MORE VOCAB TO GOOGLE AND MORE TIMES I WISH I'D BEEN TAKING NOTES IN THE SUBTITLED SCREENING. I think Vasquez spends the entire movie calling Faraday a guero, so just... White boy? Which is delightful, but I have no idea what Faraday just called him. It sounded like "chirato"? IDK, I know enough Spanish to apologise and also not call someone "cabrón," I'm working on it.

  • AND THE ONLY PERSON THERE APART FROM SAM WHO KNOWS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF "LINCOLN LIKE THE PRESIDENT" IS GOODNIGHT, FUCK. Also, hiiiiii Sam you continue to be doing the vengeance thing while helping people, this is a good balance.

  • "Where is everybody?" "I think we killed 'em all."

  • I... Actually like the sayings that Goodnight comes out with. It's gonna be a BASTARD to write fic in his voice though. Also Billy in the background casually lighting up two cigarettes.

  • SAM WAS NOT EXPECTING TO BE PUT ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT. HE WAS NOT PREPARED TO MAKE A SPEECH.

  • Can we vote Emma Cullen for mayor? Was that a think that we could have? "If you wanna leave, leave! Just don't take anything you didn't bring with you!" ... She could live with Leni (which I THINK is the name of the lady with the baby, god knows it's never mentioned on screen.)! ( *glares at Emma having to serve the menfolk despite having down all this riding!*)

  • (IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY OF THE CHARACTERS CAN READ. ;_; I assume Sam and Goodnight at least?)
  • This was another point where the subtitles were helpful; I couldn’t work out why the undertaker was leaving when he was going to clean up here. But apparently he's sending the corpses of the Blackstone men to be buried SOMEWHERE ELSE because the town doesn't want them in their graveyard!

  • I don't know why the sex workers are leaving in their underwear, unless they'll be more comfortable in the carriage that way? Although I did laugh at the one just being like "Nope" at Faraday.

  • I thought that what Horne says is "Some people are dying much less," but it's actually "Some people have died for much less." MY VERSION IS ALSO ACCURATE.

  • "Oh good, they brought their pitchforks, we may stand a chance after all."

  • Billy is one of those people who is so good at a thing that he can't imagine NOT being good at it!

  • I think this is the first time I've heard it referred to as "the war of Northern Aggression". O____o

  • Angry!Teacher!Robicheaux pleases me despite nothing going right. (*admires his legs*) This scene just makes me think of Cat Balloo: "Well, he missed the barn."

  • Faraday is the one who does the pushing and pushing, but Chisolm is the one Goodnight looks to like he's expecting support, or judgement. Also the way he FLINCHES at "angel of death"

  • "So far so good!" Nooooooooooo.

  • LOOK, Goodnight and Billy are the most married, okay.

  • OKAY, I AM HAVING A DISAGREEMENT WITH THE FANDOM HERE. Like, popular fanon is that Goodnight just can't shoot, at all. I look at this scene at the mine and I'm going "Nah mate, THIS IS A SHARPSHOOTER'S JOB." If Goodnight didn't do this bit, there's no way he'd get past the rest of the party as long as he does! I've been working on the theory that it's specifically up close fights, having gunfire around him that sets him off, and fandom's like "Nope, no guns at all." But then, I also misheard the owl bit later as "I pulled that trigger in violence again, I'm going to die a ghastly death" – as in, past tense, he'd already done it, so maybe that affected my read on the scene?

  • Billy kicking down doors! All of them being like "Yes, dynamite!"

  • I think it says a lot that everyone is appalled by the treatment of the miners, even Faraday. And the miner's stay to help!

  • "What's this?" "Reinforcements." "What's that on the wagon?" "Dynamite." "Dynamite?! Where are you gonna put that stuff?!" "Your place."

  • THEORY: all of the miners end up staying in the brothel/hotel for free because Gavin is too scared of Chisolm to say no.

  • "Hey. Surprise."

  • FARADAY FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, YOU CAME TO TALK TO HER WHILE/BECAUSE SHE WAS SHOOTING, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MANSPLAIN HOW TO SHOOT TO HER WHEN YOU BOTH KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS HOW TO DO IT.

  • Theory: Emma Cullen was the practical one in her marriage, and Matthew was the dreamer, which is why he could stand up to Bogue without thinking about the consequences and why she went for reinforcements.

  • The prepping montage makes me SO HAPPY. Trenches! Schemes! Attractive men doing manual labour! (*SWOONING OVER VASQUEZ AND BILLY*) Everyone contributing sensible things! \o/ (Sam refusing to let Emma help is BULLSHIT, come on. And everyone looks at him like they know that's shit but they don't say anything.) I like the "Hell just shoot him in the head." bit, and the idea of being stuck up on the balcony and not able to get down is terrifying. Faraday being a little shit entertains me.

  • "Her name is Ethel, and I love her." You can't hear my intonation when I talk about Betty because we're on the internet and text doesn't work like that, but that is how I introduce Betty.

  • Jack Horne being the voice of reason is fucking terrifying, man. And this is another thing I missed without the subtitles! Apparently the whole way through this scene he's telling people to talk about guns differently to how they talk about women! Like, not just the bits I can hear! THANK YOU JACK HORNE FOR NOT BEING TERRIBLE ON THIS MANNER.

  • (This scene for me is the embodiment of "I'm smiling because I'm glad you're happy but whatever the joke is it's gone over my head I am the worst at this.)

  • "The owl followed me here." "Nothing's following you." GOODNIGHT PANICKING AND BILLY TRYING TO TALK HIM DOWN AND GIVING HIM CIGARETTES. Billy literally keeps hold of the cigarette long enough to get it lit and passes it off, bless him.

  • "Now the stitching'll outlast you I imagine." She is so nice and Jack Horne is so flustered! (SHIT LIKE THIS IS WHY I NEVER DO NICE THINGS FOR GUYS IN PUBLIC, JESUS CHRIST I KNOW ASSHOLES WHO'LL RAG ON YOU LIKE THAT FOR BEING NICE.)

  • I wonder when Goodnight knew he was going to run. I wonder when Billy knew he was going to run, and who told everyone else? ;______;

  • DID HE TALK TO BILLY, OKAY, BECAUSE WHERE HE GOES BILLY GOES EXCEPT FOR THIS. ;_______; And Goodnight's PTSD is – oh Goodnight, oh honey. ;______;

  • "Where's Billy?" "It looks like he's started to drink." ;_________;

  • The two loners get the affirming speeches! And Faraday hasn't hit the end of his arc yet so he doesn't do the "of course I have a good reason to stay." thing.

  • The moment the rest of the party realises that Red Harvest has understood English the entire time!

  • At least Emma finally gets her chance, I guess. (I like the shot of her leaving the church too, that pleased me.

  • Again, I hate Bogue! I like the way he gestures!

  • I love the shot of the pinwheels, that makes me happy.

  • The miners fighting with nothing but fucking ROPE AND SPADES are BRAVE AS FUCK.

  • OH MY GOD BILLY WHY ARE YOU RUNNING INTO THAT MESS WITH KNIVES THAT IS HOW YOU GET SHOT YOU BEAUTIFUL ATHELETIC BASTARD.)

  • ... jack Horne is a character I would play and possibly have, fuck's sake.

  • The hanging in one stirrup was cool! And I think that using the horse as cover was probably a really sensible plan – on the topic of horses! I think that the way it LOOKS like that horse is trampling the fuck out of a dude even though when you pay attention you can see it's not actually touching him is really cool.

  • Faraday looks SO HAPPY to be blowing things up, bless him!

  • WHY ARE YOUR BUILDINGS MADE OF PLASTERBOARD THAT'S NOT SAFE.

  • I LOVE THESE TRAPS, THEY DELIGHT ME. PEOPLE HAVE SCHEMED AND WORKED TOGETHER AND BOOBY TRAPPED A TOWN. ... AND ALSO BUILT A FUCKING CANON.

  • Vasquez cussing a fucker out for shooting Faraday though! (Sometimes I wonder if we've had enough development for that, but you know what I'll take it because VASQUEZ. VASQUEZ YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD.)

  • "So far so good!" *WAILS*

  • (*remembers the superpowered "they wouldn't die if you killed them" AU exists and has a line about how Faraday would say he was fine if he was bleeding to death and FLIPS A GODDAMN HOUSE*)

  • "Man, everything is going really well! All of their plans are coming together! SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GO TERRIBLE WRONG."

  • (The parts of the fandom that understand Spanish had to explain why they were flipping out over Vasquez calling Faraday "Guerito" but now that I HAVE this knowledge I am entertained by it.)

  • I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS FUCKING GATLING GUN CUTTING THIS IS THE MOST TENSE TIMER I HAVE SEEN THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE A LITERAL TIMER. POSSIBLY WORSE BECAUSE THIS COULD TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS THEY NEED.

  • The guy in charge of the gatling gun looks EXACTLY like how you'd draw the anime version of him though. EXACTLY. And that is the highest complement I can pay! (Seriously, if you've seen the Ghost Trick style, picture him in that, because I am NOT WRONG.)

  • "They've got the devil's breath! They've got a goddamn gatling gun!"

  • WHY DID YOU MOVE YOU IDIOT IF YOU'D STAYED DOWN YOU WOULD HAVE HAD MORE COVER THAN FUCKING CHIPBOARD.

  • VASQUEZ NOOOOOO *squeaks in fear*

  • Note this first instance of Faraday explicitly giving a fuck about something that he doesn't own! Be proud of him!

  • BILLY AND GOODY AS A TEAM AGAIN ;__________________; Goody throwing the schoolteacher out of the nest!

  • Oh! The reason Jack Horne gives Teddy his guns is so Teddy can find him ammo and reload!

  • ... Jack looks so confused to be dying. Like he's forgotten something and it'll come back to him in a minute. (BUT ALSO this is my theory that the Magnificent Seven's super power is having more than one hitpoint, because EVERYONE ELSE goes down to one shot, whether it's a bullet or an arrow, and everyone who gets injured who's on the team survives at least one shot.)

  • (Does Dinali ever get to speak? Or does he just go around looking menacing?)

  • "I knew you'd come back!" Billy says, looking the happiest he's been all fucking movie. ;__________;

  • "Oh yeah? How'd you know that?" *pulls flask out of pocket over his heart* "You forgot this!" *PUTS FLASK BACK IN THAT POCKET BECAUSE BILLY KNOWS WHAT'S UP*

  • Emma, Emma no. ;___; I am really sad that Emma gets trapped! But Red Harvest gets a fight all of his own! ... At least look at the guy who saved your life.

  • Dinali goes down surprisingly quickly for a lieutenant class villain.

  • Billy! *twitches when Billy gets shot* Him and Vasquez!

  • "This reminds me of what my daddy used to say."
    "What's that Goody? What?"
    "Well, my daddy used to say a lot of things!"

  • "So far so good!" And Sam saying Faraday doesn't owe him!" "You owe me!" "What's that?" "Cover!"

  • Everyone working together to get Faraday to the gatling gun! *sobs*

  • "Hit the steeple." *SOBBING INTENSIFIES*

  • Oh no no no no oh, oh my poor loves, nooooooooo. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW INVESTED I WAS IN BILLY SURVIVING THIS MOVIE UNTIL HE DIDN'T. I understand why all of these characters died from a narrative standpoint (except maybe Jack Horne) but I still! Am not okay!

  • THING I MISSED THE FIRST TIME AROUND: Billy has last words! You know what they are?

  • "Ah, Goody..."

  • *PUNCHES A WALL* *FLIPS LAPTOP* *FLIPS TABLE* *FLIPS HOUSE* *PICKS LAPTOP UP BECAUSE BETTY DESERVES BETTER THAN THAT* *IS STILL NOT OKAY*

  • *wails quietly while Faraday fall off his horse and staggers to the wagon like he knows he's not gonna make it*

  • That guy who shot Faraday in the leg is cruel and a dickhead. The guy who's just casually lighting Faraday's cigar for him before he goes to shoot him in the head is surprisingly well mannered. (And another one with very appealling body language! How do you find these people!)

  • The look on the dickhead's face when he says "Dynamite!"

  • "I always been lucky with one-eyed Jacks."

  • Okay, now my degree of care about the movie is much less. It's not that I don't care about the town being saved all of the characters who are left, because I do? It's just that those three minutes of film are FUCKING INTENSE and the fact that it dials it back a little from that intensity means I feel emotionally drained. It's like how in Fate/Zero the character I'm most invested in dies BADLY in the penultimate episode so the last episode can't live up to those emotions.

  • Okay, his family died in 1867, which is... What, twenty years before the start of the movie? And two years after the civil war? I'm trying to get a timeline fixed in my head.

  • "Chisolm? Should I know that name?" "You'll know it from your obituary."

  • "If god didn't want 'em sheared, he wouldn't have made 'em sheep." BOGUE YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING.

  • ... Okay, so is it just that people have to claim sanctuary? Because so far it seems like being in a church killing people outside it is okay, and being outside killing people inside that's fine, but BOTH of you being in a church?

  • Oh Sam, oh Sam.

  • I think Emma and Sam tag-teaming Bogue is the only way it could have gone where everyone was satisfied, and also this way Sam doesn't end up killing a guy badly in a church.

  • On the one hand, them holding hands on the rifle! On the other, he takes the rifle off Emma and gives it to Teddy, WTF. EMMA EARNED THAT.

  • EMMA IS FINALLY HAPPY! SHE DOESN'T SMILE ONCE LITERALLY UNTIL THIS MOMENT IN THE FILM.

  • PLEASE NOTE THIS MOMENT, WHERE THREE MEN RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET AT THE END OF A BLOCKBUSTER WESTERN AND IT IS THREE POC, THAT IS A THING I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE!

  • I am SO offended that they don't put a personal effect on Billy's grave, and I hold Teddy Q personally responsible. Billy's hairpin would have gone fine on there! Everyone else got something! Why not Billy!

  • Okay, almost done! I feel like they could have trimmed some of Faraday's story and given everyone else bigger parts, and story arcs, but I'm not sure where and I'm not sure what story they would have given. Like, I saw someone going "Yeah, look at who gets story arcs in this film!" and I did and was like, okay, it's Faraday and Goodnight Robicheaux; Sam and Emma almost have character arcs, but it's not an arc, it's a straight line. They have a goal, and they aim for it like lasers; they want Bogue dead, they seem him dead. There's not so much... Change of character there? As much as it's change of state?

    (Okay, on the topic of character arcs, DIGRESSION. Did anyone else have the problem where they could see so clearly where Faraday's arc was going to end -- the volunteering to stay and protect the town even when he didn't need to, him and Vasquez as antagonistic friends -- that they kept being surprised when he acted in ways appropriate to the middle of that arc instead of the end? Like, I kinda collapsed the arc in my brain for no good goddamn reason beyond knowing where it was going, and it's really weird to do.)

    BUT, you know who died? Them. All of the white dudes in the party died. (Most of) The POC in that team rode off into the sunset pretty much unharmed, and I don't remember the last Western I saw where that happened. And it is SO MUCH LESS RACIST than I thought it was going to be with this setting! I will take my victories where I can find them.

  • APPARENTLY all of the lads I saw it with were like "Aw man, where's the Magnificent Seven theme?" until the credits where it came on, and I'm there going "The what? Oh, that, I didn't know that's what it was." and now apparently they're judging me a little. ... Wait until I tell them I can't remember the tunes of a single John Williams song, that's really going to fuck them up.

  • Do you ever just go to AO3 with wild eyes and say something like "I need so much slow-burn pre-canon Billy/Goodnight fic where people get punched in the face a lot" and have AO3 gently take you by the hands, look you in the eyes, and say "Honey, I got this"?


SERIOUSLY NO ONE ASK ME HOW MANY TIME I SAW THIS MOVIE OR HOW LONG I SPENT ON THIS POST. YOU WILL NOT LIKE THE ANSWER.

(no subject)

Date: 2016-11-14 01:26 pm (UTC)
scarimonious: Washington on a dinosaur, fuck yeah! (Dinomerica)
From: [personal profile] scarimonious
Apparently a vaquero is a cowboy?

Interesting tidbit, the word buckaroo comes from vaquero.

I swear to fuck Billy just nailed a guy to a post with a knife. O_____o

HE DID. HE STAPLED THE GUY TO THE POST.

Okay it looks like I'll be joining your corner over how fandom deals with Goodnight and guns, because no he can shoot damn it. It's just that he's such a mess of PTSD and probably a great honking chunk of guilt that he'd be trying really hard not to shoot. (Also I have a headcanon that Chisolm set Goodnight on the path of serving warrants/collecting bounties because even if he does kill people, at least it's probably in the persuit of justice. I feel like that the opportunity to do something better, that kinda helps people, would be something Goody leapt at specially since he was a Confderate.)

(Also also I still need to know how Goody & Chisolm became besties. Can we assume there was some facepunching?)

Appreciation

Date: 2019-01-23 07:05 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This is a magnificent post. Good work.